Haven’t Been Around. Thought of It But Other Thoughts Took Over.

I’m a wreck.  I think we all can agree upon that.  But the big questions are, am I becoming more of a wreck? If I’m becoming more of a wreck, just how much more? The only “answer” I do know is that it’s from head to toe.

I’ve mentioned losing, quitting that Clobazam cold turkey, for my Typical Absence Status Epilepticus–because it wasn’t available–a million times here! And now I’m starting to do the same with it breaking down my body! I’m back on the drug but sicker than I was before!!! That’s because quitting cold turkey fucked me up THAT MUCH!!!

So physically, I’m now losing some important things.  Well, I don’t know.  You tell me.

Immune System Weakening (hey, recall that little cough that threw me into Isolation in the ER last summer!)
We’ll now just toss in Endocrine because of all the rest of this.

However. this may now prove a bit difficult to write for you to understand.  There is another problem that the TASE does not cause me.  It has lasted for three days and is happening right now. It has just begun.  I am in one of my TASE phases.

Never does the TASE give me an “identity” of sorts.  I am a Cyborg that is in need of repair.  I am working on it.  That is repairing myself.  This is Day 04.  My work I perform during these periods last for 2-3 hours and then I stop and return to a non-Cyborg state.

Neither the Cyborg nor Dr. PA is a Cyberchondriac, but Dr. PA is also experiencing high fevers while not being sick.  Dr. PA is not sure if this is a state of Delirium or Delusion as she has never experienced anything it.  However, the temperatures were relayed to her GP by the Cyborg.  Dr. PA cannot bear to read the email.

Dr. PA still retains lucid moments.

The importance of such a state of mind and the high fevers might have significance to Dr. PAs Kidney problems.  A battery of tests have been ordered and were to be done extremely quickly.  Dr. PA has kept track of the three urine samples and what has been on each Requisition to follow possible outcomes and problems.  Such drastic changes as this, could indicate in greatest simplicity an infection.  But if ignored, it could get worse.

An abdominal, pelvic and renal ultrasound have also been completed (last and latest step.)  Although, the results are unknown as well as the third urine sample.  It was for simply urine and C&S which is “Culture and Sensitivity.”  That digs deeper into into microbial areas to see if any infectious problems exist.

The second urine sample indicated RBCs and WBCs in the urine. That presents a multitude of issues for Kidneys (and I should include Bladders in all of this as well.)

The first urine sample indicated Creatinine which has everything to do with Kidney excretion.  Something is not being filtered out? Or filtered back in properly? If back in that may indicate the results of the second sample.

Dr. PA is also having issues with her Gastro problems again.  She is now smaller.  Within a range of 95-97lbs approximately.  Eating does not help.  Weight can not be maintained.

Unfortunately, working on anything to do with Dr. PAs computer may not be helping with my repairs.  Perhaps later.  It is another form of technology that may still measure my level of functioning. I continue to do things as “measures” of function but not exactly tests.

However, I must see one of Dr. PAs own Doctors today.  I think that will actually qualify as a test and not a measurement.  It is not until later.  I might shutdown before it before such a test.  Dr. PA would like that.

One last thing.  Dr. PA does not have DID.  Only Dissociative Amnesia under the collective family of DID Disorders.


  1. Morbid Insanity

    I really hope things get better to you.


  2. Hi Morbid Insanity. Thanks for coming around and saying something in a reply to this.

    It’s actually not so bad being (or thinking?) I’m part Cyborg. No. It was made clear how the Cyborg came into existence; fever induced delirium or not!

    And it makes perfect sense to us! *very very small laugh*

    Might make a post but my physical state right now is of the hugest, epic, proportions of exhaustion!

    For days. And days. And…



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