Or I could say “thinking you are?” The ridiculous and endless tedium of the English language?
I’ve also added a new Category entitled ‘The Cyborg’ for us–yes–us(!) as I don’t know how long we’ll remain together. Due to my current physical state, the immediate high fevers (while not really being sick?) can induce some forms of delirium and/or delusional states. I figured this out due to a specific issue regarding Urology/Nephrology.
My PTSD and Dissociative Amnesia blowing my head to bits because I can’t stand this anymore? It CANNOT be a seizure! Unless my head has severely been blown to bits! This would make “Epilepsy History!”
Right. I keep having the SAME Simple partial–that becomes generalized or not–FOR FOUR CONTINUOUS DAYS (nothing yet today…) AND IT CAN LAST FOR 2-3 HOURS AT TIMES!!! At least the last part qualifies as Status Epilepticus, but the rest? NO WAY!!!
And I don’t have DID.
*sighs* Forget all of this. It’s happening. That’s all that matters. Although, even entertaining the thought of this being a seizure? It’s almost giving me some serious tonic-clonic giggles!©
However, Dr. PA wants to avoid talking about physical medicine here as much as possible. Purely Psych/Neuro. But you can’t always have one without the other. Pretty much always, really.
Please come into my time machine, for a trip not so long ago in the past. The first drug we tried to treat the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus became known as “The Evil Depakene!” It made me so sick, in so many ways, but regarding this post? I had my first Auditory Hallucination. And the crazy, little, bitch of a girl knew me.
That got me a little freaked out. Just a tad? Don’t you think? *stares at you all and waits for ANYONE to say NO!*
Nonetheless, once I ran to the bathroom and checked my underwear, saw it was clean, I made a tea and took a Valium (or 26.) It was then I realized that it had occurred, I experienced it, I could deal with it again.
Let me press a few buttons on my time machine console, and we will turn 180 degrees (roughly.) And end up a couple of years back from today. Roughly. Or more or less.
So, I’m shining like the biggest Diamond from Tiffany’s if anyone starts yackin’ in my head again. Bring it on!
“Oh. Uh, really? Well, that’s rather odd but okay…”
The pissy, little brat came back, but now she was about 18 years old! Before, if I had to guess, maybe anywhere between eight to ten-years-old? Then I “met” more people. And we all had this sort of silent way of communicating in my/our heads.
Further, I could see them (not visually) but in my mind. I knew what they looked like, I knew the sounds of their voices, as well. Their ages are sort of vague but I’m damn close if not spot on!
It was similar to Jason. We “met” earlier when I was in the ICU for three days–after trying to see what really happens when you die. I thought I was going mad! Though I seriously questioned so strongly–did I meet my dead twin?
But when those other four first showed up? I fought and fought and fought!!! I pushed so hard saying things like, “Okay. You’re here but I’m just making you up!!! I’m just writing a script in my head!!! You may exist somehow but I’m putting words into your mouths!!! No!!! I AM MAKING YOU UP!!!”
I actually did this verbally screaming in the middle of the street one day! *laughing so hard about to burst*
I wonder what I must have looked like? People running for safety from a tornado, or thinking: ‘That one last marble rolling around finally fell out of her ear…what a pity.’
But it was futile. One of them “tricked” me. He said, “While you’re going on about stuff like this, confused and asking us questions, how come we can tell you things before you’re even done talking? So how can you write a script and put words in our mouths?”
I see. That’s an interesting form of logic. It’s also interesting in a psychological way. Please keep these two words in mind.
They said they were my lost twins as well. And Jason whom I cried and cried over to come back FINALLY DID!!! There was a problem. He’s a bit separated from the group. He’s on his own and extremely fragile and vulnerable!
And it is possible to lose multiples. I was told endlessly as a kid that I had lost one twin due a massive miscarriage my mother had during her first-to-second trimester. When the embryos are THAT small, easy to miss more.
This post is getting very long. I want to explain this issue properly but it is complex. The above, as background information, was needed. So I’m going to do something I have NEVER done before on my blog:
TO BE CONTINUED…