I got a telephone call from my sister late last night.  I had already taken my meds so I was mumbling and slurring my speech.

I slowly tried to say, “Oh, if I sound funny, I…”

She immediately cut me off and said, “You sound like you’re drunk!”

My sister always thinks I’m drunk.  Yes, 20 years of addiction to alcohol and marrying an alcoholic might do that.  But please cut me a little slack? Please?

Back to the call.  My sister and I always get along like a continent on fire, but now she was stumbling for words.  I somehow felt vindicated.  She didn’t know how to tell me, didn’t know what to say over and over again.  I told her just to be blunt, spit it out, just tell me!

My mother’s husband died on Saturday, November 02, 2013.  Look at the date today, folks.  My mom even called me that day.  We were briefly talking, she sounded just fine and after barely saying anything, someone was at the door and she said she’d call me back later.  Nothing since my sister called.

I thought it was my mom simply being her (undiagnosed) mental self.  Nope.

Apparently…it “seems” like she didn’t want to tell me as I’d be too upset about it.  OMG! Well, THIS clearly needs to be sorted today!

I’ve been crying all morning.  I’m crying while writing this post!

I’m feeling so selfish.  She hasn’t called me in a year.  YES, a year!!! She ALWAYS calls me on my birthday and this is the first time she didn’t.

Why didn’t I call her? Sure, very sick and lot going on, but what’s a phone call? It’s like, what is sending an email to someone? Even if she rambles on forever on the phone! That was one thing I wanted to avoid.

Her husband started out with Prostate Cancer but after a year what happened? What was the full story?

Okay, I can’t write anymore about this.  I feel like I’m dying too.

For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I think I’ll have to say, “I Love You” to my mother–and really mean it.  I’m scared about that.  I’m a mess.

  1. Hi patientanonymous. How are you? Well, I guess under the circumstances, not very well.

    I see you’ve come back to make another comment on your blog. You haven’t done that in a while. What’s up?

    Well, I just left a message on the answering machine. I said all the best things I could say.

    Other than that, I’m drowning in buckets of PTSD and Dissociating like crazy. I just need to run out to get some things I desperately need. Then I told her to call me anytime when she’s available.

    I think that’s a pretty good job patientanonymous. After the shopping, I think you should just rest until riding the trauma roller coaster ends a bit.


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