Archive for July 29th, 2014

Substance Detox and Withdrawal can cause diarrhea.  Sometimes explosive diarrhea.

I’ve been relapsing all over the place so guess who had to run to the bathroom just now?! Pretty explosive.

I’ve had less explosive episodes.  They were in my pants and pyjamas though.  Asleep AND awake. 

Yes, you heard that right.  I’m such an addict, that shitting myself won’t get me to stop drinking.

Unbelievable.  How did I get to this point? This bad?

I have one month until I enter an Outpatient Program.  Apparently there are loads of them, so choose whatever fits. 

From there, already a countdown to the 21 Day Inpatient Program.  Some people don’t need/want/care about it, but if I do? Open Door?

I found out from another woman while drinking last night (oh, life can too rich at times) there might be a group to hold me over until September.

I can call.  I have to make many calls and do work involving a computer-like-thingy but no way.  BED all the way.

No food as well? Severe Gastric pain.  Then probably just more diarrhea.

As I always say, it’s not a contest between illnesses and how people live with them.  You can’t feel what they feel and vice versa.

But how the fuck can I say scream, “Don’t become an addict!!!”

Well, I can’t.  Even if genetics are involved.  People will always do whatever they want.  Maybe I could try and convince them about me shitting my pants?

You know, I probably couldn’t even with that.  They would all start cracking up at how funny that Scene was in “Trainspotting.”  The one where Ewan McGregor had to run to that ultimately disgusting toilet before he was going to ultimately, disgustingly shit his own pants.

Quite toxic today.  Bedrest.  Don’t think I have the capability to drink tonight.  I’m in too much pain as well.  This is all good. 

I don’t care how sick I am, I only care about nuking my alcohol consumption and being sober.  It may not look like it now but it’s true. 

This is just the beginning though.  I’m like a baby learning to walk; take it’s first steps.  That’s why I’m falling down all over, getting so many bumps and bruises.

Now it’s destroying me.  I wish I could say I’m so sorry to everyone and for everything!!!

But for now, don’t become an addict.  Laugh all you want about that Scene in “Trainspotting.”  I agree that it is funny.  However, way over the top in reality!

Just think of you, me and Ewan as addicts.  Simultaneously, explosive diarrhea hits and we all have a choice: fight each other for that disgusting toilet or shitting our pants.

What option would you choose?

Step back and don’t take this literally.  Then, look at it as a perpetual cycle that you can’t break or escape from. If you can’t quite picture it I’ll help. 

The bathroom is alcohol.  Disgusting, toxic.  Sorry, Ewan.

The other two people are actually me, not you! I’m the one with the choice. 

Go to the bathroom, and there’s so much shit everywhere, I just order diapers in bottles and glasses.

Don’t go in the bathroom? You’ve chosen the way not to become an addict.  Or, if you already are, one more step to better days and a better life.

Also, washing out your clothes is nothing compared to changing diapers constantly in a bar.  Pretty embarrassing too.

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