Archive for November, 2014
I mentioned earlier on Twitter (before my phone died) that I wanted to drink myself to the point to physical injury. A bit tongue in cheek, a bit brain hammering all over everywhere.
Does that count as physical? I didn’t count it as physical.
I broke my one week of sobriety due to certain certain cercumstances that made me want to fall all over the place and not care what the hell of a fuck I did to myself. But I should care. And I do. But goddam motherfuck I’m honestly too tired to swear and rather still keep drinking and fall all over.
Why a week?
My program to get sober. Hopefully. Or at least to get some serious help. Real help. Three weeks Inpatient in hospital but if I can’t stay sober for a week I get tossed into Detox.
I don’t wanna drink. But triggers or even…maybe none make me want to. That’s why I need help. My drinking has destroyed so much in my life and my GP and I finally found an amazing treatment program!
But now here I am still drinking from a huge trigger…excuse me while I have a drink and a cigarette…
Smoking isn’t so great for me either with the drink, but my Respirologist is so amazing. Sweet and kind when I cry, and has found the portion of one of my lungs that is causing the obscene pneumonia that gets me thrown into Isolation, now four times in hospital. We’re doing tests.
What do they say? “You can never trust an addict?” There are other types of behaviours that make you wary and frightened as well. Can you trust the people that engage in those behaviours too?
I can’t and I won’t. I’d rather let me kill me, than them kill me.
Thank god I’ve got a day to recover from this toxic, remind-me-from-uni-total-time-to-flake-because-you-drank-a-full-keg-of…
Before I see my Therapist.