Archive for April, 2015


How can you tell your ADD is getting worse when you already have it!

How can you tell your ADD is COMPLETELY spinning out of control when you can’t tell it’s getting worse because you already have it and it’s even worse now because it’s already spinning out of control and you also can’t tell because it makes you write run on sentences just like you would speak but you wouldn’t know you’re speaking that way because you can’t tell your ADD is spinning so out of control and taking you with it but you don’t know that!

I’d normally start panting, gasping for air, but I actually found a little gem from all of that.  MY ADD IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL AND TAKING MY WHOLE LIFE WITH IT!!!

Not a lie: at its peak, I’ll be doing something for 10 minutes, then I’ll go off and do something else for 10 minutes, then I might return to the first thing I was doing for another 10 minutes or I’ll wander off and do something else for 10 minutes, after that, 10 minutes later…

Sorry for another run on.  I was too busy flitting around every 10 minutes doing who knows what, and I couldn’t remember where I left off writing this Post.

I need to build one of those “Cast of Characters” Pages.  There are a lot of them floating around here. 

For old and new readers alike, it would probably simplify things.  And everyone might get some giggles.  There was one I was really stuck on (and kind of still am) for a name.  I just don’t want it to be verboten in the trigger area.  I guess I could say that.

Was that too bad for an ADD tangent? At least a piece or two is relevant there.

I had to stop seeing Merlin #1 so I was referred to hopefully, a Merlin #3.  I think Dr. Asshole had already started me on Concerta at that time.

Yes.  He did.

Merlin #2 and I decided I needed a titration of my 36mg of Concerta as I was still having problems.  I think this was back when titrations for Concerta were extremely ridiculous.

As in, “Big Pharma, you are so insane.  YOU need the medication more than you provide for the sick! YOU ARE SICK!!! I hate you from head to toe! But I can’t.  I need your medication.”

People, that’s one of my biggest love/hate relationships with Big Pharma.

Continuing.  Back then, I think you went from 36mg to 57mg.  Wot??? They’ve evened it out now, but I’m tiny! Even though I had NO side effects, I did agree that was too much.

So, we switched to Biphentin.  Some of you might not know this ADD medication.  Certainly in the U.S. because a very good website doesn’t even list it.  And, it’s a U.S. based depository.

However, for the drugs that are listed, it does give you a decent bit of pharmacology and chemistry as to how they work.  If you can grasp that, it’s a pretty good bonus for a patient driven site.

It doesn’t go as far as listing DINs (Drug Identification Numbers.)  Those are more for Pharmacists, Physicians and Medical Coverage (when required.) 

A DIN you might say? Oh, I laughed so much when I first looked at the depository for all of those! Every pill and every dose for a drug currently in existence has a separate one.  A lot of numbers.

Back to Concerta and my Biphentin.  Biphentin is Concerta.  Pharmacologically, few tweaks, different method of delivery, but the main point for me was an even 10mg titration up to 80mg.

We might have a Merlin #3 entering the picture.  I’ve had several discussions with Merlin #1 (hopefully I can back to him as my primary) and he has another colleague who will increase my Biphentin.

I think we’re good to go.

NOTE: on my blog I offer and direct readers to sites that I do not endorse. I have been speaking of one heavily here re: medical information forpublishede.  I will not mention it here should this Post end up being published elsewhere.  Please email me if you would like more information.


I FINALLY got back to an AA Meeting today.  I think it’s been about six weeks of constant interruptions that were really beyond my control.  I’m serious.  No excuses for any flakes.

Two visits to hospital, twice sick when one required bed rest for two weeks, appt. changed at the last minute.

Boy did it feel good to get back.  Home sweet home.

I’m trying to find a Sponsor right now.  I’m in a pretty vulnerable place.  Well, all Alcoholics will stay in vulnerable places until they die.  That’s how I see it anyway. 

When you’re an addict, it’s not like having a target on your back.  It’s more like having targets all over your entire body.  And it hurts.  It hurts A LOT.

Why am feeling more vulnerable right now? I’ve reached two weeks of sobriety.  The most I’ve ever hit before was about three to four.

Yes, yes! Go PA! You’re already half way there! You can do it! HUZZAH!!!

Well, if anyone is gonna say that to me, thank you.  I’ll take all the support I can get!

However, in real life, it’s a lot different.  Sure, day by day.  That’s applicable to so many other things in life! Not just me trying to stay clean and sober.

I actually haven’t been taking it day by day so much for these past two weeks.  I just wake up and know I’m not going to drink.  It has no appeal.

Well, I need to put some serious, bloody effort into things now! Day by day, hour by hour, second by second.

Because in AA there isn’t any “goal setting.” It’s not some Therapy Group that practises CBT, DBT or anything else of that nature.  There’s no mandatory attendance so you won’t get your wrist slapped if you don’t show up.

However, I feel like I have a “goal” looming over my head like a guillotine.  I HAVE to make that month.  I have to stay sober for the next two weeks.

Then maybe I’ll feel stronger than I was before.  It might raise my confidence.  Yes? Hopefully?

So here we go.  The clock starts now.


Sorry.  Not a very catchy title.  Blame the migraine (and Maxalt – my triptan of choice.)  I’m actually turning my mobile at a weird angle for the photophobia.

OMG.  What am I doing??? I want to write something because I’m ticked off, but I’m waiting for the Migraine Murderous Reaper to come knocking on my door–not some courier with a belated birthday gift.

I’ll get back to this.  Post-Postdrome.

Sorry, but thanks?