Archive for June, 2015


I finally figured out why I’m in so much pain while walking.  It’s not me.  It’s this crappy cane I’m using now.

It’s in heavy duty camo.  Pretending it looks like it’s all ready to rock and roll (stand and roll?) But it’s not.  It’s making ME rock and stand and roll!

So off (definitely!) today to get a new one.  AND A TELESCOPIC!!! An absolute must for me if I’m rockin’ and standin’ and rollin’ in a good way. 

Stick it in your bag or whatever and then just whip it out when you need it.

This is now where I start bashing people’s bodies apart with canes.  Even to the point of disembowelment if they really piss me off.

I’m tiny.  Even though the packets say I qualify for the shortest height, I sometimes don’t.  Even a 1/2cm or a bit more will make the cane too high.

This woman said the one I wanted was impossible to use.  I knew that! That’s precisely why I rip all of their merchandise apart to measure myself!

Hmmm…how can we even up things? Make this new cane short enough.

Wee PA smart.  Wee PA almost disembowel woman in store!!! We almost got into a screaming match.

My entire problem is two fold.  The length of the cane itself and then, when adjusting the buttons to the smallest settings, it further elongates everything.

The one I found was pretty outrageous.  However, I said to her we could swap the existing tip for a smaller one.  She told me that wouldn’t work and: TOO BAD! THEY’RE ON SALE!

OH, BITCH.  YOU JUST WATCH ME NOW.

Looked at the cane tips.  Got down on the floor like I was a human measuring tape and voila! I’ve already been walking with it and it seems just fine.

When I left, I couldn’t give her what she deserved.  Lucky enough to be dealing with other customers for her escape.

Moreover? I’m one of those gals when if someone says I can’t do things that are without boundaries (and especially if I’m a woman???)

THOSE WHO SAID IT STICK YOUR HEADS FURTHER UP YOUR ASSES. 

THAT MIGHT SAVE SOME OF YOUR HEARING FROM THE BOMB I’M GONNA DROP ON YOU.

SORRY EVERY ONE OF YOU WHO IS INNOCENT BECAUSE YOU WILL NOW BECOME COLLATERAL DAMAGE.

NOW.  LOOK THE FUCK OUT ‘CAUSE HERE I COME.

Thank you for reading. Do you feel ill now?


I’m on my way to see my O2 Dude (that would be my Respirologist) now.  I’m out of my mind exhausted.

TEA!!!!! LAND HO! LOOK YONDER TO THE SOUTH!!! A kiosk where I can buy buckets of tea (i.e. millions and millions of treasure chests filled with gold bullion!)

My Respirologist quite impressed me the first time I met him.  That was only once.  Six months ago.

Actually, I met him before that one time.  The above was as an Outpatient Post Discharge.  Before that, I met him in the ER.  That was when they actually admitted me to the Respiratory Department.

I don’t know what visit to the ER it was when that happened.  I’ve actually lost track.  I think it was the fourth but going back just recently, I thought THAT was the sixth 911 call!

The sixth appearance of this idiopathic, stupid, die high fever, cough your guts out, pneumonia.  That won’t stop.

What impressed me so much, is that by simply looking at the x-rays, he’d isolated a/the portion of my lungs that were causing the problem.  Right lung, lower quadrant (roughly.)

I thought that was a way to start off our relationship.  Moreover, he was very sensitive and caring.  Another excellent addition to my current Team.

I have a boatload of comments and questions now.  Only a couple before.  Here they are:

– There’s a vaccine.  My GP can give it to me or you can.  Even though it’s normally used for patients who are 60+years old, I’m in a Special Population, correct?

– Given Symbicort, but I think I do better on Ventolin.

– Hold off on any Respiratory Tests unless emergent.  Stats, levels, capacity done last year.  Need to work on smoking in medical environment, plus what else might be found?

– The Isolated Area.  Lots here!

– Still the same? Changes in localized position? More of lung, or lungs?

– Which tissues are affected? Have more of them become affected? Have any effects changed anywhere else or become worse?

– If there are problems with any tissues are they solely related, or connected to others for a specific formation of functioning? If so, a possible collapse effect to other formations, thus issues with collective functioning?

– No formal diagnosis, but any working hypothesis? Any idea why this keeps happening? It’s all the time!

WHOA.  Not so great a Specialist anymore! Can’t find referral from my GP when she did send one.  Ditto for me to sign off for file transfer. Says I am not presenting him with any evidence of having pneumonia.

This is a normal  thing that happens to everyone.  They all get Upper Respiratory Viruses…

Hang on.  BACTERIAL!!! Well, for me.  Even YOU had to give antibiotics!!!

The high fevers I get? They can only be medically treated? 104°F? Oh, as he sneers, they’re not deathly.  Perhaps they might be for me, as I can get close to the above in one day.

A lovely example for you? Just to demonstrate the fact that it might be a problem?

Says to self: I think I’ll go to bed now.  Hopefully the coughing won’t be so bad…”  The least of my worries is when my temperature continues to rise while I’m asleep.  And I don’t wake up?

For the love of whomever!

It’s not only an emergency if a baby’s temperature starts to rise to a high degree quickly.  It’s just as much an emergency for an adult.  The only difference is cause/reference and effect/outcome–some of which can even be the same.

I am now going to extremely angrily run back to my GP.  Clearly? She knows more about this than anyone!

She’s also very Pro-Specialist which is a sign of a wonderful GP.  She is very aware of what is within and without her scope both as a Physician and what she already knows.

Meaning: despite a firm grasp of a problem area, it would be best to have it treated by someone who only works in that area.

Even still, she knows so much more regarding me, and my problems, that sometimes require Specialists.  We’ll talk and she’ll be all over my brain and body.  STAT!

And did I fail to mention this little piece of information? I called her office one day as I had a concern.  Could the information get passed on? I think she should know.

2100hrs.  I get a call.  She just had to put her kids to bed before she could get back to me.  Okay.

I can’t believe what she’ll do for me, and everything she already has.

I’d take a bullet for her.  Not just because I love her so much, but she needs to remain on this planet.

Thank you for reading. Do you feel ill now?


Asperger’s Meltdowns.

Well, generally through overstimulation.  Add some stress on top of that? Okay…

WHAM! BANG! SLAP!

POUND.

I guess the above sums it up.  The vague causes it is.  Dissemination? Dissection?

A friend with serious, serious problems and he comes to see me every day to unload.

It’s not like I don’t want to help.  I guess I just have a life with issues of my own?

This friend has Bipolar and unbelievable levels of OCD I think a diagnosis is absolutely warranted.  That probably makes his daily, morning visits more important.

My Inzombia is at an all time high.  I’m so exhausted, I hear my buzzer after some, what, hours of sleep and early, I know it’s him.

These days, I hit the buzz to respond and say I’m still sleeping.  Nope.  Too late.  I’m awake now.  Goodbye pillow.

Rambling.  Nonverbal online? Well, unless you’re yelling at your own Blog Posts. 

We ordered pizza at his place and thank god I told him what an Asperger’s Meltdown can do to you.  That awful, terrifying feeling of being so infantilized.  The crying, mumbling, whining.

My friend has members of his family, one Schizophrenic, one with Asperger’s.

He also has a four-year-old son.  That was the BEST way for him to handle me.

I’m still here.  Wow.  How long have I been Nonverbal? He’s playing games on his mega video system.  And I’m writing this.  Longing to go home.

I just can’t move.

Thank you for reading. Do you feel ill now?

I Found Her


The Business Contact and fast friend from the start.  This has now alleviated some of my grief. 

My contact has been made directly and personally.  This way, if I hear nothing I will know nothing.

Also, I will speak no more and our friendship is over with that silence.  I will miss her but I am fine with both.

I questioned if it had something to do with me.  I apologized for whatever it was if that was the case.  I would have been fine in her telling me. 

Also, if she felt whatever happened might have hurt or upset me? I still would have been fine.

I can only hope that SHE wasn’t hurt regarding what bloody happened.


Yeah.  What the hell does Einstein’s Theory of Relatively have to do with my INSANE PTSD AND NOT REMEMBERING ALMOST ALL OF MY LIFE.

Well, Physics is kind of weird.  Just like Neurology.  In fact, apart from weird, its misunderstood, like mining for gold in gold or vice versa and more.

Relatively is back and forth and forth and back and faster and faster and then a further link to outer space, then things get pretty messy–from a basic Physics Perspective.

Or at least how it started long ago.  People got really mad.  Was he some kind of heretic? No, people just didn’t get it.

Back and forth.  I don’t