I finally figured out why I’m in so much pain while walking.  It’s not me.  It’s this crappy cane I’m using now.

It’s in heavy duty camo.  Pretending it looks like it’s all ready to rock and roll (stand and roll?) But it’s not.  It’s making ME rock and stand and roll!

So off (definitely!) today to get a new one.  AND A TELESCOPIC!!! An absolute must for me if I’m rockin’ and standin’ and rollin’ in a good way. 

Stick it in your bag or whatever and then just whip it out when you need it.

This is now where I start bashing people’s bodies apart with canes.  Even to the point of disembowelment if they really piss me off.

I’m tiny.  Even though the packets say I qualify for the shortest height, I sometimes don’t.  Even a 1/2cm or a bit more will make the cane too high.

This woman said the one I wanted was impossible to use.  I knew that! That’s precisely why I rip all of their merchandise apart to measure myself!

Hmmm…how can we even up things? Make this new cane short enough.

Wee PA smart.  Wee PA almost disembowel woman in store!!! We almost got into a screaming match.

My entire problem is two fold.  The length of the cane itself and then, when adjusting the buttons to the smallest settings, it further elongates everything.

The one I found was pretty outrageous.  However, I said to her we could swap the existing tip for a smaller one.  She told me that wouldn’t work and: TOO BAD! THEY’RE ON SALE!

OH, BITCH.  YOU JUST WATCH ME NOW.

Looked at the cane tips.  Got down on the floor like I was a human measuring tape and voila! I’ve already been walking with it and it seems just fine.

When I left, I couldn’t give her what she deserved.  Lucky enough to be dealing with other customers for her escape.

Moreover? I’m one of those gals when if someone says I can’t do things that are without boundaries (and especially if I’m a woman???)

THOSE WHO SAID IT STICK YOUR HEADS FURTHER UP YOUR ASSES. 

THAT MIGHT SAVE SOME OF YOUR HEARING FROM THE BOMB I’M GONNA DROP ON YOU.

SORRY EVERY ONE OF YOU WHO IS INNOCENT BECAUSE YOU WILL NOW BECOME COLLATERAL DAMAGE.

NOW.  LOOK THE FUCK OUT ‘CAUSE HERE I COME.

Thank you for reading. Do you feel ill now?

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