Archive for August, 2015


Please refer to Post written directly after this one.

Well, I still don’t know what to say about Girlie Intern.  I was crying uncontrollably on the phone because that’s just what happens. 

Losing control of your emotions, that is.  Although not always over the phone.  It’s a strange feeling.  A bloody, fucking, awful feeling.

I had actually been crying all day long.  Under non-TBI conditions, I wouldn’t have cried discussing a confusing medical issue.  I wouldn’t be crying the whole day…

…unless…?

Somewhere through a half a box of tissues, I realized something familiar.  Oh, this feels like a TOTAL Aspie Meltdown!!!

There’s also another comparison.  You can feel frustrated and REALLY agitated.  So you can end up stimming all over. 

Well, I pretty much actually do it having Asperger’s.  Non-Spectrum-non-NT and NT folks? You might get a taste of our stimmy behaviour and not even know it!

Girlie Intern was actually pretty empathetic when I banged my Ace on the table.

“Have you ever worked with patients who have had really bad TBI’s?”  I don’t think it was much of an Ace considering I was bawling all over.

She had and understood that I had a total setback today.  And I mean TOTAL, TOTAL, TOTAL!!!!!!!

Oh, dear.  I am serious though.  I feel like I was just discharged from hospital yesterday.  And so it goes with TBI’s and/or head injuries that may just need some time to heal.  Or others that are more serious requiring some kind of intervention for healing.

*sighs*

This Post needs some intervention for healing, because I’m just rambling with half a head holding a broken compass.

LET’S UP THE STAKES!!! I WILL NOT PROOF THIS BEFORE I POST IT!!!

WHOO HOO!!! *laughter all around my apartment*

So anydoodle, Girlie Intern confirmed it was the right Doctor who was to order it. 

However, points for me who tipped her off to the Neurological portions of the MRI and I didn’t think it was right.  She said it was good I was paying attention!

N’yah!

She’s going to confirm that everything is right, other areas should be done? Etc.

She still wants my bloods.  Before our appointment in five days.  When I can’t get out on my own.  While there’s also a weekend in the middle there.

BUT… she also said and knows the whole roller coaster of head injuries and a TBI that’s pretty heavy duty like mine.  Thus, the only option she had for me was rest, rest, rest.

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I got my notification for the MRI I’ve been waiting for, like 10 years? <gross sarcasm because I'm SO pissed off>

What do I see?

MR IAC’S

What does THAT mean? It means I sure as hell hope and not hope they got me mixed up with another patient.

Not hope? Because it will be wrong but I’ll have to get the right one ordered and wait all over again.

Hope? As above, a patient mix up but only on paper.  Then things can just proceed “as planned.”

It’s not like I’m tired enough having a massive TBI right now.  One that was initially considered a stroke. 

One that could be a stroke or not.  Or perhaps something else, but we need an MRI to try and get an injured part to say: “Smile for the camera!”

So what does that IAC business mean that has now set me on fire? It stands for “Internal Auditory Canal.”  What does that have to do with?

BASICALLY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HEARING!!!

Aw, come on! I never had any problems with hearing before, during, and after what happened.  I still don’t! It even looks for these quite rare tumors called “acoustic neuromas.”

*bangs TBI head on table*

Ouch.

This is out of our known Universe! Nobody even examined my hearing in hospital!

I’d roll my eyes like banging my head on the table but that might send me back to hospital.

Speaking of, and this isn’t funny, I had two similar episodes now that I’ve been home for a month.  Well, one was minor.  The other one left me shaking on my bed, totally confused if I really should go back to hospital.

But I could still heeeeaaaarrrr!!!!

Sweetie GP is away too.  So I also have to call a backup she’s got that’s new.  Not her regular, and in fact, seems like a pushy Intern.

Nothing against any of you other Interns out there! Residents too!

Although some of you Attendings? *raises eyebrows*

So an important telephone to Intern tomorrow.  Maybe I can use her to my advantage. 

She seems to be, sort of, have this air about her to show and prove how much of a rising Star she is. 

Okay, Girlie.  I can hear you.  I’d like you to listen LOUD AND CLEAR about this.

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“If it looks like a…if it quacks or whatever sound…if it…”

How many people out there have had experience(s) with strokes? Have even had one themselves? I’m finally getting around to writing about this.  Wraparound sunglasses that wraparound my glasses too!

Most convenient and necessary.  I’ve also had to really increase the View on babyMacAir.  The letters looked like ants on a page.

Also, not for Photophobia.  To me, that seems rather odd.

The sunglasses and a fabric eyeshade that allows virtually no light, are used for use and recovery of too much use! Sometimes I don’t, or won’t know how much I’ve used my eyes the day before.  I’ll only find out by the degree of headache I have?

I’m getting one now as I woke up well before sunset when I’d rather be still sleeping or fine with being up now.  Although I’d rather keep the post-TBI (and definitely mine!) out of this Post.

So I was at home watching TV (or it was on) and looking at something on my mobile.  I wasn’t doing anything special and WHAM! I was seeing so many versions of everything, it was like I couldn’t see.  Quadruple Vision?

NOTE: Before you go any further into seizure thinking, hang on for the rest I have to tell you.  Also, I have never even been close to having a photogenic seizure.  Also again, if you don’t know, strokes can happen instantly to anyone–babies to the elderly.

FIN.

I am probably one of the hugest Emetephobes on the planet. Emetephobia means fear of throwing up.  Mine came from my mother, who cared only about anything in the house becoming soiled.

Heaven forbid you have a sick child who might barf–on a kitchen floor that wasn’t even carpeted! So fear was instilled.  Now I have to become violently ill to throw up.  Extremely sick or something wrong.  Well, the latter implies the former.

Sorry.  (Possibly) Stroke Me can’t think very well right now.

Then, I felt it coming.  Oh, god.  Oh, GOD!!!

How many of us have had THAT experience? *laughing*

Trying to run to the bathroom when you just know you’re going to toss your cookies! No bowls, buckets.  

No cheeks either.  It has to remain in your stomach.  If it comes up to fill your cheeks? You’ll have an unbelievable geyser all over the room–and be thankful your mother wasn’t mine.

So, after Crazy Vision I started to sweat.  A lot.  But that calmed down when I got really weak and tried to avoid a geyser.  I made it to the bathroom.

The weakness was not bilateral.  But “Stroke Bilateral Weakness” is a bunch hooey! Depending upon what’s going on and where, you can be weak all over!

I didn’t know how weak I was, what side, all of me, but I do know it was too far to crawl back to my bed to call 911 (or 999 in certain countries.)  People, my living is pretty small.

Nonetheless, bathroom closest to hallway to knock on neighbour’s door.  Crawl across hallway, throw up again.  This time some blood in it.  Not occult, although a fair sized chunk of either blood or tissue that was tan-like in colour.  That is for any Professionals out there?

The red is just a tear somewhere? Or part of…  Occult is bad, although that is for other organs–not specifically my brain.  If it were, only an embolism would be capable of destroying things all over.  That said, I could or would be dead right now? This happened on July 21, 2005

Okay, on with the rest of the show.

My voice and speaking ability.  Total mess! The woman could hardly understand me to figure out to call 911.  The Paramedics couldn’t understand me because they asked if she lived in my place.  No. But she’s trying to find what they needed.

Mumbly, mumbly, mumbly! How many hours until I could speak again? I have no clue.  Also, post-TBI but have no memory of dealing with Doctor in ER.  Have the notes and I laughed out loud at how I was acting and what I was saying.

I couldn’t even tell him what brought me there! I was going on about prior medical problems that were totally irrelevant.  I clearly had no cognitive capacity to engage in conversation about anything! And again, what brought me there!

I had to wait for a bed on the medical floor.  I don’t know how long.

Oh, yes.  The worst of it all is I wanted to rip out everything from my eye sockets from the pain! I was in so much PAIN!!! Rip every piece of tissue out of those sockets until there are only black holes left!!!

This is getting pretty long.  I’ll save the hospital stuff.  I’m getting really tired too.  I need to rest.  All I do, but I finally have my MRI Scheduled! I hope they find something.

Not to sound whiny but it’s not pleasant.  Housebound, alone, feeling sick…yeah, okay.  Whatever.  A lot of others have it a lot worse and they’re really happy.  I should shut my yap!

Tell me what you think my readers.  I won’t tell you the number of other people that have told me what.

CODA: 20+ years of First Aid and CPR Training might have really helped me here.  If I didn’t know any better, I could have just slept it off, see how I feel in the morning.  How about you feel nothing because you’re dead.  Whether you had a stroke or not.

Everyone, if you EVER feel sick or off and you don’t know what it is. But something feels wrong.  Listen to your body and not your head!

And go straight to the ER.

FIN.


Which is a good thing and a bad thing.  It’s easier to type now (still slowly) but I can use WordPress better.  Terrible on my phone.

However, all the new people I Followed on Twitter? I have to go find their Blogs and put them in my file with everyone else’s. That will be a lot of work.

Then we need to talk about this whole, “Me Having a Stroke” or whatever etc. issues.

And the bright light of a computer.  Even set on the lowest possible end for brightness? It’s still making my eyes, and radiating, ocular area of my head, scream like you could hear from this Post–what country where you live is irrelevant.  My screaming will be equally loud across the globe.

Wait.

Dammit! I should have used all of that FOR writing the Post about the stroke crap! Oh, well.

When you have a head injury, no matter what type, you’re a little off you’re game.  Or sometimes A LOT.

Which is where I am now.  I sometimes don’t know if I’ve used my eyes too much the day before.  That’s when I wake up wanting to scratch my eyeballs out of my head (but we’ll get to that later.  It’s not so bad now.

I forgot I bought a pair of wraparound sunglasses that fit over my glasses so a very good solution when I need to do things requiring light.  Then, long periods of the black blindfold just eyes closed.

I need some tea now.  Wake up a bit and put the groovy shades on because it’s a lovely summer day.  Too bad I can’t enjoy it! Brief and very safe walking with the cane.  Maybe I could sit outside on my patio but I always try to read!

That is MASSIVE eye work! Even “looking around?” And it’s not photophobia.  That’s the weird thing.  Dark, and protective vision for pain, but not for brightness.

There’s something wrong with my head.  I’ve even got it on paper when I was admitted that an MRI was to be done for a stroke.

Okay, in a really messed up way, you know some of what’s going on? Next, I’ll try and run you through everything that happened.  It’s Classic Stroke Behaviour.  Or something like it.

See ya.