Archive for the ‘Aspie Penguin’ Category

Hello Everyone,

It has indeed been a very long time since I have written anything on wee PAs Blog.  That is mostly in part, because it is my full time duty to take care of her.  And indeed again, she has not been very well, for a very long time.  In fact, after a rather long hiatus, she is now only beginning to write on her Blog again.

Earlier today, she decided it would be a good idea to try after so long, to clean up her Blog.  This, once again after several failed attempts.  She feels it is a:

“Goddamn piece of shit and a total mess.  A total disaster and so fucked up that it’s a surprise that anyone is reading it at all because it’s totally gone to hell just like her.”


“She can’t believe she’s been writing all of these Posts on it that just look like crusty sheep barf on a barbed wire fence.  Actually, she’s the one that should be covered her own barf every day, barf from everyone on the street, barf from everyone on Television and never, ever, ever be allowed to shower again.  If it rains, she should be bound in chains inside her apartment and have more barf poured over her in extra buckets because the rain will make her long desperately with every pathetic piece of tissue in her body for a shower.”

And finally:


Oh, dear.  I think you can see that I have more on my flippers than I can handle right now?

I believe it best to remove wee PA from all forms of Technology now.  However, I might have to wrestle with her to stop clenched fists reaching for a mobile phone.  Seizing her Mac is easy enough. I will simply use my “Flipper-Slip” and slide it into the its case when she wanders away to do something else.

Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day to work on her Blog.  She might be more up to task.  Right now, I bet my stakes high it is certainly not a good time!

Oh.  Well, look what we have here? I am heaving a hugh sigh of relief! We are are currently experiencing a thunder storm with lightening.  Wee PA positively loves them.  This might make my job a lot easier.



I said on Twitter yesterday, without any Internet at home, Blogging from my phone was just too tedious. 

Well, maybe not.  If I feel some Primordial Urge to write a Post, if I only have my phone, it will be used.

My Title.  I think I write about it twice every year when it happens.  People who are on the Spectrum–kids too! Go insane by changing a stupid clock an hour forward or backward.

No doubt everyone is blogging about their woes (REALLY FUCKING BAD WOES!) on this Day of Destruction.

I’m soooooooo messed up right now.  It hits me hard along with so many others.  So when I’m feeling better.  Write then? *gurgles*

First, I’d like to say a MASSIVE “THANK YOU!” to all of the new people–and all the others–the “old?.” *laughing*

But thank you so much for all of your new Blog Follows, your Post Likes, and Twitter Follows as well.  I am not boasting or trying to sound vain.  I never do that.  Unless I’m writing so crazily (or not?) about something, it might come across that way.

The point I’m trying to make, is that there have been so many of you.  I can’t keep track! My Inbox can get flooded and I can’t check all of you out! I want to, but on the mental market? I’m not the latest cyborg for sale.  I’m used and a refurb where the Techs didn’t do such a good job.

So I’m sorry for that.  However, I do have everything neatly organized and filed.  I can find all of you, so when I get… *sighs*

My blog sucks, as of late too.  I have a theory about all of you new people; why you’re flying all around my head, then eventually landing straight on it!

NOTE: I am in no way comparing my New Followers like any annoying insects.

My theory is, you are stumbling upon Posts from the past.  You read them, and think, “Hey! This chick’s really groovy ‘n keen ‘n lots of other ‘n stuff.   Or ‘n AWESOME one! This chick’s really out there ‘n I have no clue what sort of person but I’m kind of confused ‘n scared ‘n so curious ‘n at the same time…”

You latter folks are the bravest of all.  It’s like a, dare in your mind to nail me on my Blog, upcoming Posts and new Twitter jazz.

As far as Posts from the past, and how many of you “old guys” are perhaps still around?

I know I put a lot of you through a lot of shit! I know people have given me online defenestrations! I probably deserved it.  Then, there are all of those who have done the same–I just haven’t known about it.  Anonymous Defenestration! 

Me being tardy? My MacBook is totally screwed, so I just tried to replace some things on my Sidebar. Then, for some reason all of my months of blogging became a list!

That proves it.  A little tardy but this blog’s been up for eight years.

Supreme Insanity.

I’ll still keep blogging though.  In doing that?

Beyond Supreme Insanity.

I think you should all be aware that PA is suffering a fair amount of anxiety at the moment.  That anxiety would be due to her approaching treatment for Addiction.  Also, it would be appropriate for you to know that she has also started smoking again.  She had quit before.

This presents quite another problem.  You should never try to quit multiple Addictive Substances at the same time.  I am doing my best to try and keep her smoking under control.

As far as her alcohol consumption? Oh, dear.  It is like she has reverted back her days in University! Attending many parties before she must, as she sees it, a rather large Guillotine.

I am not doing a very good job in trying to convince her that she should stop doing all of these things.  I really am trying, flapping my flippers all around as much as I can.  She might be alright for a couple of days or so.  I almost feel guilty in my duties.  Am I not flapping enough to get her attention as I should do? Are my flippers not strong enough.

I will keep trying.  I will never abandon her.  It is my purpose, my one and only duty to help and take care of my PA.

Hi guys.  I’m still here! If you think I haven’t posted anymore in the series regarding any Detox problems, I’m fine.  I have been for a while.  Christmas was kind of rough, though.

At the moment, I’ve been dealing with some pretty insane (pretty?) stuff with the stoopid guvmunt and how the hell, and what on earth and trying to get what I need and…it’s been unbelievable. I’m like a lobster in a trap, and my claws are already tied up for the pot! I cant use them to try and break out of wooden slats while I’m still on the boat!

So for now, thank you for all the new comments, Twitter and Blog Follows, just everything.  Aspie Penguin sends his thanks too. However, he’s a bit busy trying to unwrap my claws with his flippers.

Yes, I know.  I keep making posts before I get back to commenting.  I wanted to do get on that but, I have a very busy day today. With all I have to do, my head is twisted around like 300 pretzels, altogether into one.

Good news? I am finally getting my hair cut!
Bad news.  I’ve lost my stylist! Having a fantastic stylist is like losing a fantastic therapist!

Good news? The guy who set up shop with my long gone stylist *tries not to cry* is still in business.
Bad news.  Let’s hope he or whoever I get can understand the notion of what “Bishounen” is.

Good news? I have Bishounen pics on baby MacBook.
Bad news.  Well, hopefully not bad news.  Don’t let me forget to bring baby MacBook with me.

Good news? Well, hopefully good news? I’m taking transit by myself and not relying on accessible.
Bad news.  No injuries, please.

Good news? Well, weird news.  I’m actually buying Christmas pressies for people this year!
Bad news.  I’m shredding my bank account to bits.

Nothing but bad news. I still need to fix up baby MacBook with shredded dollars.  I’m such an Aspie Spaz, I have NO sense of direction.  That means I’m going to have to look up the transit schedule and stare at it for about an hour to make sure I can get things timed right.  Hopefully?

Ugh.  I’m trying to work on Twitter Follows (sort of fast?) However, poor Aspie Penguin! He’s got loads we need to work on! *keeps drinking tea and stares at clock*

POSTSCRIPT: OMG. I just “lost” my tea and had to go on a big ADD Hunt.  At least it wasn’t in the fridge where the milk goes.  Nah, that would be too easy.  However, not as hard as putting it in the closet with my bras and underwear.

Thank you Aspie Penguin, for trying to get my words out regarding how I feel about my blog, and blogging these days (the seizure is not important.)  Yet, I feel I should try and use my own words for everyone to read.  It may or may not make any more sense.

But to begin with, “all of my words.”  A blogger recently asked me how long my blog had been up.  He said it’s been a long time.  I had no clue other than the month of November.  I have now checked, and for some insane reason it has been up for six years.  I forgot to even mention the five years, last year.  November 23.  First post in 2006.

I would like to apologize to everyone for this past year and all that I have subjected you to–or at least the last half of it? It’s alright.  It’s even torture for me to be subjected to it as the writer.  Blech. I tried to write about other things, not be so repetitive, but I ultimately failed.  Also, Happy Anniversary (late!) to Gabriel… at …saltedlithium.  We started our blogs right around the same time.

That aside, let’s try and delve into my problems regarding my blog (and me.)  I don’t know if “terrified” is the right word, but it may come close.  My heart is racing right now and I’m feeling rather panicky.  I am going to take a Valium.  There is some proof? Who the hell needs to take a Valium to look at their blog!

So, let’s make some points here that may clarify some things.

1. Sticks and stones may break my bones but every name, letter in the alphabet and all numbers will all definitely hurt me.

This has to do with Twitter.  I have lost a lot of people that are huge bloggers, ones I could never believe that would follow me, but they did.  Now, they are gone.  I have also lost people that I felt as friends.  Thus, I now feel my blog is shittier than shit more than I have ever called it shit before!

Moreover, I have lost extreme closeness with friends I have gotten to know off blog.  Even worse, I have lost all contact with very intimate friends I have gotten to know.  Put it all together and it hurts. Yes, things change, but try telling my head that.

Perhaps that’s why they came out with all of the “Buy Yourself Twitter Followers!” garbage.  For people like me who become devastated emotionally by being so attached to Social Media Apps. *shakes head and rolls eyes*

2. On the flip side of being so devastated…

Despite all the loss of people around me, I have received an overwhelming influx of new people following me on Twitter, my blog, getting all of these likes on my ridiculous posts! I cannot understand that.  And since there are so many, I can’t keep up! PRESSURE! Then, there’s a vicious cycle.  If I don’t get back to some Twitter Follows in a timely fashion, they drop me. *head desk 500 times*

Then, people’s comments.  Oh, god.  I can’t get to them fast enough either! And they’re important! I must make sure these people come back to know that I absolutely, without question, care! I am not running this blog as I used to, as I have always chosen to do so and I’m completely frozen.  Do I sound completely insane here? Would most people say, “Just fuck it.”

3. Bloody Hell! Now the influx?

Before these people came marching through the door, I was SERIOUSLY (not for the nth time) considering taking my blog down.  I just hadn’t decided in what way.  Back up on WP of course, but just leave it sitting with comments off, erase it from the Internet completely? I didn’t know.  I hadn’t enough “time” to make a decision.

4. The grass may or may not be greener.

I see all of these other bloggers who are in whatever conditions, and I feel are in rougher shape than I am.  And yet they keep blogging away, lots of great posts, so many upbeat and funny material despite all they are going through.  What am I doing? Nothing.  Of course I have no clue what really is going on behind the keyboard, but as above, try telling my head that.

But for sake of argument, if I am right, and the person is worse off and producing excellent work, well for crissake! There’s no way I can turn myself into some mentalist Oprah Winfrey.  Nor would I ever want to. *shudders*  Maybe Oprah’s completely batshit, and out of her mind already. *ponders*

Does that help? And please, no pity.  I am simply trying to be honest.  I don’t want to sound like a victim of any sort.


We have a bit of a situation on our hands, everyone.  It is a bit complicated.  It has been going for a long time and finally tonight, there has been some serious, or at least, very confusing seizure behaviour.  However, since so much time has elapsed, the events of tonight may just make things more confusing for wee PA.

She is terrified of going anywhere near her blog.  And yet, there is a huge conflict in her mind, as she knows she has people out there that she feels she must reach out to–as they are reaching out to her.  It is her duty and responsibility.  However, being terrified and then confronted with a sense of duty and responsibility does not do her well.  I will not go into further details about her health, her diagnoses. Why the prior is happening.  You might find it on her blog.  There are no secrets here.  This is just how PA operates.

She is so desperately tired of talking about her health.  She is so angry about it.  She wants to try and say more; more about anything.  That is another reason for being so afraid to blog.  Not the same things over and over.  She feels that, based upon all of it, she has lost long time friends–over and over.

I am desperately trying to get her words out on her behalf,  but it is so difficult.  She had a seizure tonight and for years, this was a sign–excessive drooling.  As far as tonight, I do not believe “excessive” is the proper word.  I think “uncontrollable” would fit better.  Her legs went as well.  Too much overload and thus, too much fear to come near her blog, even though she wants to–despite so much conflict still.

She does sometimes show up on Twitter, but it is intermittent and she knows it is also something she feels she can’t control.

Oh, dear.  I am trying so hard to make my wee PA not sound like some kind of “victim.”  A victim of her health, both body and mind, or some other kind of one, well beyond pathos.

I am still trying my utmost to take care of her.  That is all I do.  All I am meant to do.  Although tonight, the best I could do was help her keep leaning forward to let the drool from her ongoing seizures hit the restaurant floor.  She was running out of tissues.

Now I must check how much milk is in the fridge for her GERD that is like a volcano right now.  Plus, I should try and find her at least something gentle to try and eat.

Oh, my! I’ve got quite a mess on my flippers right now.  First, there was the migraine on Tuesday, October 02, 2012.  That caused wee PA to cancel her therapy appointment.  Then, during her sleep on Thursday, October 04, 2012, she had a tonic-clonic seizure.  I am fairly sure we have now entered the next Typical Absence Status Epilepticus phase.  Not to mention, I feel with rather a big bang.

Right now, she is sitting at her table in the kitchen, staring at a heap of rubble she needs, and wants to do.  At least I managed to get her out of bed, where she was hiding, and actually into the kitchen.  One thing she wants to do is get to the comments on her blog.  She thinks they are excellent!

I am making more tea, but we have another problem.  It is a very serious problem.  Wee PA has only a few Gravol pills left!

We are only just starting tea.  She tried to sleep as late as possible, so we are really, and very slowly, starting our day now.

Sometimes she will improve as time moves on throughout the day.  We might be able to see if there is some Gravol at the corner store.

I just looked over to where she is.  Sorry everyone but I have to go now! Wee PA is just staring at her computer and stimming like crazy by rocking back and forth very fast.  Obviously, she is getting overloaded physically, psychologically and emotionally.  I may give her a Valium if she cannot stop or things get worse.

The last post I wrote was totally stupid! And so am I for publishing it! I deleted it.

Stupid, both in the way I wrote it, and repeating again: I might not be here for a while, or who knows?

Not to mention, WTF about the South London folks? Not a slight, my dear UK readers.  NEVER! I love you all.  I love everyone who comes here!

Just more proof that my brain isn’t working (so well?)

If I’m not here, then I’m not here.

It’s as simple as that.

See ya!