Archive for the ‘Blogging’ Category


I think that says it all.  

Although, we could add “Reader’s Cement Truck Pouring Block.”  That seems quite reasonable.

But what’s even worse; even more pathetic and frustrating, is that I could “cheat” (or actually beat) my loss of creativity. How? This is where it really hurts.

I could write Posts about some things I’ve done in the past.  These things that allow for very simple continuation.  Or, they would just simple on their own.

I’ve even written things down! Kind of.  So, does that mean I’m only some per centage of getting sucked into the Cement…sand? Uhhh… I just lost my truck of thought…

Goodgurbleuhyy…

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Test


Am I going to show up on Twitter using WP now? Now? Now? Now? Immediately after I finish typing? Now? Now? N…

After being Referee at the longest, most painful Technological Boxing Match, ever? 

Now? Now? Now? 

Painful, due to them both pummeling the hell out of the Referee. That was me, remember?

Here we go, you shitbag apps.


Quite easily, appently.  As of November, this stupid, damn, insane Blog has managed to exist for 10 stupid, damn, insane years. o_O

I have no idea what to say about that.  Well, I suppose I could shout out strings of profanity that make no sense.  However, that doesn’t feel so celebratory.  You would just find a lot of it here.

Right now, it’s like my Blog isn’t even here.  Or it’s made of lace.  Or who knows what?

Maybe it’s some kind of dormant monster that’s been waiting to sink its teeth into me.  The last thing I’ll see, is the Grim Reaper leaning against my doorway, enjoying a Cuban.

Cigar, that is.

Stranger things could happen.  Like me in the Blogosphere for 10 years.


I think I’ve used that before.  When things have gone sideways, pear shaped, become frozen, completely imploded, people have been stalking me, I’ve been stalking me and many other things.

Here’s a new one.  I’m now visually impaired to some degree, so forget using my Mac.  Even tiny mobile screens can become brutal. 

“Visually Impaired?” you ask.

Modus diagnosis operandi is Continual Migraines.  Shrapnel in my brain, from being admitted to hospital for a Stroke.  That was a year ago.  Except it wasn’t a Stroke.  It just sure as hell looked like one!

So it was probably a TIA then.  They can present almost exactly the same way.  The primary distinction is no damage or insults to the brain, whereas a Stroke generally shows something when you look at any/all parts of it.

Plus YOU can show a lot after a Stroke.

Well, my brain’s been insulted a lot.  By seizures, falls, people telling me I’m stupid, and yes, prior migraines.  However, this is a different braingame.  Too much.

Migraines can mimic Strokes and TIA’s so I probably didn’t have one of those either.  It was “The Migraine Heard Around the World.”

I’m not kidding.  I’ve been through a lot of funky medical experiences but this? It was beyond belief.  Surreal.  My head really did explode.  Okay, it didn’t but at the time…you get it.  And my eyes.  Psychedelic and black vision.

Try to imagine that.

Now, blurry, photophobia, pain cognitive impairment.  So, sunglasses, don’t push using my eyes, dimenhydrinate, new med (Beta-blocker Propranolol) and cane. 

Now back to my Blog after that fun stuff.

This whole Blog has turned to shit.  I honestly think this is the lowest of the low.  It’s never been as bad as this.

I don’t have the imagination to imagine conjuring a beginning to begin fixing it.  Much less time.  The first thing would be my Blogroll. 

How many old and dead Blogs are lined up there like ratty, teenage socks, hanging out to dry but they’ll always reek? No doubt more than I already know.

Then, replacements.  I’ve met so many great people with amazing Blogs out there.  However, due to “Technical Errors” (i.e. I’m a fucking idiot) I never filed them along with my others.

“Look and Feel?” Oh, bloody hell.  Just the thought of it makes me feel nauseous.  And since I’m sick I’m already nauseous!

The plopping of my current template into (better said ONTO) another template can make you want to heave, simply by looking at it.  Run away horrified too.

Eventually. Hopefully.

I haven’t shut everything thing down after so many easy (and difficult) situations.  That must mean something.  Perhaps the fact, that it’s actually not the lowest of low after all.

Yet?


Just mentioned on Twitter that I’ve got WP back up and running on my mobile. Hopefully more Posts soon?

I’m just starting Propranolol.  Been a month now and the side effects are kicking my ass off.  However, in a good way? Like I’m trippin’ out on significant levels of Opiates.

I’m still feeling pretty gonzo with my second dose.  I’m 40mg bid now. NOTE: Update Meds Page.

Later.  It can wait.  I took my second dose not long ago.

Why Propranolol? Based upon a fairly educated guess, I’m now dealing with chronic migraines.  It can be used for prevention.  Maybe kicked off from when I had every sign of a Stroke, and was chucked into hospital last summer.

Wow! This is a bit of a Post! Writing it when I feel like I’m in between being on Morphine and Heroin.

Not that I’ve done Heroin.  Am I spelling it correctly? Have I slept with a Heroine? Do I need one? Holy crap! Damn straight I do! *laughing*

No, I’ve just talked to people who have used it and what it was like for them; what they experienced.  Did I ever find out what some people can experience!

Utterly fascinating! I realized why so many people could become addicted to it.

I’ll also say it’s utterly fascinating why I’m getting stoned out my mind.  Well, it is to me because I really get off on Pharmacokinetics.

I’ve gone through every med I take and found the answer. Plus extra stuff which is just icing on the cake.

Super-awesome Post to write, but hells bells no, not now!  I can’t even handle this screen anymore.

Laters…


Have you ever wanted to write a Blog Post and you just can’t do it.  I mean, you really want to do it.  You HAVE to do it. 

If you don’t, you’re going to totally blow up, go insane, disintegrate into pieces, or you have no clue. 

Because you’re too “preoccupied” with the Post you HAVE TO WRITE!!!

Well, there’s both the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea! It’s called your head!

Because there’s nothing you can do but let those seething, boiling waves drown it over and over with your thoughts.  The thoughts you want to get out so bad, you would trade choking on them, just to make it happen.

I’m choking, but nothing’s happening.  Except for this.  And clearly it’s not what I want to talk about? Yes? Well, if it wasn’t clear, there you go.

So my brain is trying to keep it’s head(?) above all of that water.  So many thoughts churning around and I’m trying so hard to get a grip.  Find the sandy beach. 

Hell, I’ll even choke on the sand if that would help!

Gulp.

Where’s Spock? He’s always my good side at sorting these things out.


I’m thinking of the wonderful person who left me the wonderful comment on my Post “Possible Departure.”  I’m also thinking of the new people I’m meeting now from the above hashtags on Twitter.

Can Dr. PA perform whatever surgery to reconnect her Blog causing the (best description) phantom limb pain? She’s not even sure what limb, or organ is affected.  And who’s to say there’s only one?

My personal writing is rather different than what you would see here.  Except possibly in style, in parts.  A smattering or splattering, here and there.

As far as my personal writing, I’ve got my fingers stuffed in every pie.  Apart from Screenplay which I would love.  I have a theatre background so I think it would be very fulfilling.
 
Otherwise, you name it, I’ve done it.  Or, have worked on and lost it, due to technological disasters–before a backup.  However, the main idea or ideas remained in my head.

I probably could have reconstructed it, like a five-year-old learning to tie their shoelaces for the first time.  Or maybe not.

I’d still give it a shot though.  If it became too troublesome and/or frustrating, I’d just stop and put it aside. 

That’s one thing I’ve learned.  If you still see one iota of potential in something you’ve set aside, even lost in a box, in an ancient notepad or on the floor under furniture *raises hand* NEVER throw it away.

Conversely, only you know what you’ve produced and where it came from.  I find (or feel) these are your most intimate pieces of work.  They are for me.  They are my poems.

It depends, but sometimes I can look at a poem I’ve written and immediately know it carries zero value whatsoever.  Others are like a rating system.  Like when you are at an intersection? Red, Yellow, Green…

What about environment? Well, it’s kind of odd for me.  I’ll start simply with either silence or a lot of sound.  Loud! Or just background, useless loops.

I have Asperger’s and ADD.  This is where things get a little strange.  I have some Auditory Processing Issues with my Asperger’s.  That might account for the various sounds I “automatically choose” to hear. 

The ADD! Indeed, you would think I could not focus that well? It might prove difficult to write? Yes, that happens.

There is another side to it though.  I can hyperfocus to extreme degrees on subjects that very much interest me.  A bomb blast next to me could happen and I wouldn’t have a clue.  And actually, the Asperger’s falls in line with that as well.

So, it’s somewhat comforting to know my rather complicated brain (more diagnoses) is good in a somewhat, somehow kind of way. *laughing*  Nah, my nutty bean comes in handy for other things too.

Well, I guess that’s some info about my writing and how I try to accomplish more than bogroll.  I find it hard to keep up with a lot of the time, but it’s still there.

Plus, there is no such thing as a lonely writer.  You have two awesome friends that will never leave your side.  A Dictionary and a Thesaurus.


I mentioned on Twitter that it might, might be time for me to hang up my Blogging Hat.  Or, to say stop my Blogging Hands.  That would be more appropriate.

It’s not an ongoing, forever-we-experience, Blogging Crisis.  It’s not Writer’s Block.  I could think of many things to write about.

Things have changed.  Some that are easy(ier) to explain, some I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.  Some I don’t even know if I can explain to me!

My Blog has been up for nine years.  I don’t know how long any measurement that means.  In terms of living, averages of any kind, but that’s pretty irrelevant, I think.

I mentioned the word, “living.”

Are Blogs really living entities? I believe the answer is a very firm, no.  We MAKE them living entities.

I made an analogy on Twitter as well, regarding the “feelings” between both my Blog and me, as a person.  I said, “I feel like I have phantom limb pain.”

It’s true.  Something has been severed.  The “living entity” I have created, that which was so connected to me…  It’s not anymore…  But to what degree, and even what part of my body, I do not know…yet.

Despite still writing a bit more, I have been tremendously unhappy with my Blog.  The beginning of things being severed? There were times I couldn’t even look at it.  Now, things seem so, terribly disjointed and I can’t fix them.

I definitely don’t expect you to understand that last sentence!

Does reading my Blog make me cry? *laughing* Of course not! It’s my life!

Thinking about my life might make me cry, but my entire life isn’t on my Blog.

The only times I’ve cried reading my Blog was years ago.  I would receive these Comments from utter strangers.  They would pour their hearts out to me and tell me I literally saved their lives.

I would sit and bawl my eyes out.  Why me? Who am I? I didn’t say anything? It took a LONG time to respond to people like that! But they were few.  I’m not being egotistical.

I write a lot about having no life.  Well, I do.  We all do.  Perhaps not as we’d always like it, but you can’t escape the fact.

How many hours have I Blogged, read other Blogs, spent time on Twitter when that came along later.  How about all day and all night?

At the time it felt just fine.  Really? Not so really. 

That’s not healthy.  I mean, for me it isn’t.  It’s an unhealthy escape.  Too easy to muck about when I need to focus on getting myself at least somewhat together.  Also, that “somewhat” is just a start.

How long has it been since I really got into my own writing? I mean really got into it? I have SO many unfinished projects, I haven’t sent any Submissions to anyone in ages. *sighs*

Am I done? I sure feel done.  This Post has been exhausting to write.  Difficult, too.  Don’t cry, PA!

*teardrops*

But for now, I’m still here.  I haven’t made a final decision. 

Maybe Dr. PA can perform some surgery on both sides; to mend herself and reattach what she brought to life and into this world.


This is funny.  My Mom’s birthday is November 28.  I emailed her in a panic last night apologizng for forgetting it “yesterday.”

Of course I got an email back saying, “…” Uh, huh.  That’s actually the first time I’ve ever pre-forgot something.

I also forget my own birthday.  Then it happens.  Then I forget that I’ve aged another year for six months.  I keep telling everyone I’m my prior age than how old I really am.

This is NOT a joke, a lie, no shorn sheep over eyes!

So I (sort of) remembered this. November.  THE INCARNATION.  And I got the day right!

This is basically a “tradition” in the world of Blogging–at least for some?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!

This crazy, ridiculous, ranty, stupid and hopefully helpful THING.

I CANNOT BELIEVE.  If this Blog is completely senseless, it’s NOTHING compared to me being so utterly senseless at how long…? Nine Years.

Seriously.  Seriously?

SERIOUSLY.

I have a feeling it will make it to 10.  With so much more rambling (as always.)

Thanks for reading, everyone out there.  It’s all about you! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.

Cheers,
PA