Archive for the ‘Literary’ Category
Someone might be checking me out now. Looking at my blog to find out more about me. I’m not sure.
But that’s okay. In fact, it’s great! I want you to know me!
However, if you are looking at my Blog and checking me out, know that I am SO much more than these words.
If you are reading, I hope you see this. If you took a look and don’t come back? I’ll be so mad of not thinking of this sooner!
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I miss you. As I lie on my bed listening to my Wittner.
You said you’d never play for me. The one you had was too beat up and broken. You’d do much better on a new one.
I didn’t care. All I wanted was just a few notes? Anything? Even just record a scale on an .mp3?
Did I tell you about my Grandparents Wittner? I don’t think I did. We never talked about using the tools to learn. You had already reached your highest level of Certification.
Wittners are the best ever made. The one my Grandparents had was already an antique when I played with it as a child.
It would last forever. Turn the golden ring on the side until tight. Then after, do it again, so long it would run, so long it would never stop!
Beautiful oak(?) What does or did such dark wood look to a child. Unvarnished as an antique but only a couple of small scratches?
That was because it was actually used. The middle son played music fabulously. I don’t think without a single lesson either.
He was the quiet one. He and his wife were the nicest ones to me.
In fact, I realized that none of them were really nice to me at all. Over all the years no matter who came and went. That’s because as an adult many, many years later, I found out they had ALL kept a secret from me.
I wasn’t blood related to them. I was conceived with another man of another race. It happened while overseas while my supposed father was working in Pakistan in the 1960’s.
Back then, Companies paid for entire families to travel anywhere if someone had to go there to work. So my mother and my older sister went too.
And my mommy fell in love with my biological daddy. Or actually, it was the other way around. My mommy was shy and he fell for her at first sight.
I don’t talk to anyone who is not biologically related to me anymore. Except for one person who never cared about it, and I didn’t realize how much he loved me. Until he told me so.
But I miss that Wittner. So I bought two smaller ones for myself. Although suppose I don’t need to miss their Wittner. Because I don’t miss any of them.
But I still miss you. R.
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No doubt my readers from The Country of Scotland, The Gaelic, and Former People Lounging on Hadrian’s Wall, will know this expression. This is due to its historical origin of these people’s Geographical Location.
Granted, that is purely anecdotal evidence from an old, Scottish Gentleman I know. I have yet to find any Peer Reviewed Studies.
Also, there is a high probability it is known by the People of Great Britain, England, Wales and the Republic of Ireland.
And maybe some others. Like me. I live in Canada. And I love what this means.
“PISS OFF! GO FUCK YOURSELF! GODDAM, BLOODY TOSSER! USELESS EXCUSE FOR A MAN! EVEN DATING MY DISGUSTING AND FILTHY BROTHER WOULD GET ME OFF FASTER THAN YOU!”
Well, now? *raises eyebrows* That young lady sounded a little bit upset, didn’t she?
Using the expression might not make someone go totally mental, but what it means is this. Although I did use it from a woman’s point of view.
Euphemism (or even literally?) to get on your bike and fall off your seat. Then hit the VERY HARD metal crossbar, and crush your balls SO MUCH TO HELL.
To the point they are barely recognizable.
Any and everyone? Please chime in if I’ve got it wrong here.
I bring all these shenanigans up because I might be able to stop saying, “Get On Yer Bike!” to myself. There’s no way I can go cycling now, and might not EVER be able to for the rest of my life.
But I accepted that. Like so many other things that I probably won’t be able to do for the rest of my life. It made me sad, mad, threw me into serious states of Depression, but I made it out.
There’s a chance I can no longer say that phrase anymore. Maybe. Recumbent Bikes.
A neighbour on my floor rides every day like nuts. He seems almost like a Pro! He knows my health problems and immediately said I could do it with all of the types, what would be best for me.
So however you want to do it, “Get On Yer Bike!
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Sorry. You have to read the Post I wrote before this one. I can’t break my window. Even with my MAGLITE. But that’s not exactly the problem.
I just got a “Like” on it, by someone I really “Like” now. Both blogging and music is weird. That is completely redundant and confusing on more than “so many levels.”
Goth tunes are happening now. I can’t defenestrate at this point. Now way! AWESOME!!!
P.S. Regarding that (on) “so many levels.” CAN EVERYBODY STOP SAYING “GAME CHANGER!!!” Fer feck’s sake!!! Can’t anybody be original anymore? Even if I’m not sometimes? Bloody hell!
To anyone who read it, you have been a victim of my “Drunken Blogging.” Things can get pretty out of control, and as I result, I speed right past you and pull out my insanity for a Post. WHAM! You’re off to ER if you even have a chance of survival.
If you know me, you’ll say, “Oh, Jesus Christ PA. Here she goes AGAIN…”
If you don’t know me, and read my Drive-By(s), you will say, “Oh Jesus Christ!!! What the HELLLLL is this place??? I WANT MY MOMMMMMMEEEEEYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!”
I should throw out the pack of cigarettes I bought last night, but it feels soooooo good to have (so far just one) of them with my morning tea. Idiot PA.
That single one just made my chest feel like someone lighting a match. That match was to try and start kindling wood for a campfire.
That campfire was for an Eight Generation Family Reunion. It was miraculous they were all still alive and showed up.
Therefore, they all needed a nice, cozy seat around that campfire. None of them cared if the smoke literally blew straight in their faces, knocking them backwards and upside down off their chairs. They’d just pick them up again to sit back in front of that huge campfire to stay nice and cozy.
I was away for so long. I vanished from my Blog, Twitter. I let personal emails to those who know me in PA Land just sit too. The latter was awful. It felt like I just hit a big “IGNORE” Button.
I’m now back to Blogging about nothing but my health. I hated that, and it was one of the reasons I disappeared for so long-even to the point of shutting my Blog down altogether. Well, obviously I didn’t.
However, at this time, it feels like blogging about all of this, Tweeting as well…it’s almost like the online activity is enabling me.
Moreover, I have enough triggers, and just “things” that enable ME. It’s so bizarre but I enable myself so often.
Good god. What was I going to say? *stumbles blindly within memory* Well, I did just “say” some things on Twitter.
Alright. Let me give you “The Life of PA While She Continues to Drink Every Day.”
WHOO BOY. Also, it is important to know that she’s going through Detox and Withdrawal while still drinking. Yes, you can actually do that.
Here we go:
– Stays in bed and does not move ALL DAY–but must do something?
– My television. Anime with Subtitles because in English it’s awful! READING…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? MAYBE ONE LINE? That can make the Anime Subs REALLY hard. I’m surprised the Rewind Button on my Remote Control still works! Anime out the window. Regular TV? Nothing on and the programming can lick freshly plopped sheep shit. A movie of my own. Total Rewind Button again, because I can’t keep up with the plot and what people are saying.
– Actually, a bit of reading: Graphic Novels and Manga are okay, but I reserve them for going out and drinking. Why do I do this? I have no fucking clue.
– I still have my “To Don’t Lists”© but they are COMPLETELY unrealistic. Therefore, I have reduced them to daily tasks. I did that one time while still lying in bed. Does that count as a daily task? While still feeling like the Grim Reaper is coming in 10 minutes?
– Dishes do not get done. They take up every piece of usable space in my kitchen. I wash one spoon and one bowl if I need them to eat. Nothing else. This lasts forever. Like washing myself too. Yep.
– I do not listen to music during the day. I choose that form of media when coming home from the bar in whatever shape I’m in. I guess it’s just a “Let’s Keep The Party Going!!!” I have no clue about this either. And yes, the music is always blasting.
– I forget every.single.thing. Thank you calendars with reminders on mobiles!!! Unless I forget to put the information in. #epicepicepicepicDISASTER *wants to cry*
– I’ve shit my pants. Twice. Once when I was awake and once when I was asleep.
– I have a very intimate relationship with the bank machine across the street. I’m just waiting for it to propose with a gorgeous ring!!!
– Two cuttings, one requiring sutures.
– I don’t bother drinking tea (today is the first day in months!) Why bother? I’m just going lie in bed all day. Time escapes me until…I start to perk up when I usually go out to drink!!! My body now seems in a trap of a pattern of “needing” alcohol? Not good!!! At least I’m not a “Fall Down Drunk.” Nope. No injuries to report.
I “think?” that’s enough? I won’t bother getting into more of the Detox and Withdrawal Issues. No doubt they are playing very big role in this as well as my addiction.
When I’m online, I’m so bloody slow, it takes me hours to respond to a simple email! Time has yet escaped me here? How long have I been simply writing this Post and going on and on…not even proofing or editing at all? About three hours.
This is where I need to vanish yet again. I’ve spent my entire days and into the evening in PA Land. Times when I should be trying to maybe get some help. Some help until I go to my Outpatient Program and then when that is done, Inpatient for three weeks.
Even if I can’t get any, I have to concentrate very hard on my own to fight to do other things. Like tie myself to my bed! Lock myself into my own apartment, even stop writing here and if I get the musedom, apply it to my own writing.
I’ll be back. When I can hopefully somehow get some HAAAAAAALLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!
Whether it comes from me, hospital etc. Even if it’s not until Inpatient, you know PA always Blogs from her Hospital Stays. She can never resist that. *laughing*
Lots of love to you all,
There are worse things I could do
Than chug eight drinks, do a cutting or two
Even though I know I’m trashy and no good
In a gutter that’s true too
But there are worse things I could do
I could flirt with every pill
Smile at them and test my will
Pour them all around my bed
Make me think I’m better dead
Then refuse to see it through
A total coward that’s true too
I could stay home every night
Wait around for Sanity’s Flight
My Flights are drinking every day
And throwing my life away
On a “me” that won’t come true
Would you hurt if you’re like me
So much hubris, too blind to see
I always steal and forever lie
But can I feel? Do I bother to cry?
These facts I’ll bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you
That’s the worst thing…
…I’d ruin you…