Archive for the ‘Political’ Category


Well, I can try. Second night at Dad’s now. My sister and uncle just blasted into the room as she flew in from across the country. Things are now getting more and more stressful as I’m coming face to face with extended family members I kicked them out of my life (including my father in the next room.) I did so because they would give you Ebola through a simple phone call.

When I saw my sister, I started crying because I haven’t seen her a bajillion years. She was pretty cold, ambivalent maybe? Both? She did complement my shoes.

Still running on fumes. Actually had a full meal today. For dinner a Bison Burger! Welcome to Canada! You wouldn’t see that on every restaurant menu though.

Tomorrow I have to go the Funeral Home with my sister and pay for the Cremation. A financial glitch, but I would have done it anyway! She was my mother!

I’ll get reimbursed.  It will be covered by a Government Pension Mom was receiving. Of course, I know to get a Death Certificate. When dealing with Estate Laws you ALWAYS get multiple copies of Death Certificates for everything that you have to handle.

I meant to write more about my feelings and emotions. There is just so much going on. A concoction of business, chaos, miscommunication and exhaustion. It doesn’t leave much time for even the slightest pause or glimpse into one’s inner thoughts, and time to reflect upon them. Right now, I’m either the walking dead (bad pun) or functioning on a UFO’s Autopilot System.

 


For the first time in my life, I’ve received more Tweet Notification Activity in numbers, than Comments on my Blog.

“Normally” that would be fine. 

However, I have over 100 or so people saying something about me saying something that I really didn’t think was something special at all.

It’s so, totally and obnoxiously fun, when you can take an amazing run-on sentence and hold it captive.  Make you do whatever you want it to, manipulate it as a Writer, even before the Random Note has been sent out? As long as you avoid Purple Prose.

Which that was.  I’m stunned A lot of Spam-A-Rama? I looked at my Inbox, briefly.  I’ve never been messed on Twitter before l figured who was trying to mess with me first.

*sighs*

Tired.

Just something to put up here because it’s such a massive contrast.  Which form of Social Media is beating up the other, you know?

They’re all going to see this on Twitter.  That’s even more of the crazy.

PA the AI should definitely become unplugged now.


Are they still called that or can we just put a blanket name of “Snobby Pretentious Useless Fucktards” over them?

I’m in my old stomping grounds.  Old friend and I had lunch and hang time until got my hair done.  After, I popped into the coolest pub I’ve ever seen in the city.  Not that I’ve seen them all, but this is cool without trying to be.  And for other reasons.

Sure it’s a pub but families come here ALL THE TIME.  Reference to time? There’s a five-year-old here, well past bedtime, but he’s surrounded by lots of responsible family members.

Call some kind of Family Services Agency? I say no.  If anything happened, every single person would be right on it to help. 

But that’s a little heavy duty and strays from this Establishment’s Coolness.  And the baby blanket people I hate.  Misplaced Gentrification as well, but let’s not bother with that now.

This place has managed to combine pieces of historical politics, art, pop culture and more all over the place.  It’s a crazy amalgam, but totally awesome MUSEUM. 

It’s like a puzzle when you first look at it.  Totally overwhelming.  But give yourself and your eyes a chance to relax and you’ll be amazed.  Everything will fit.

Or it won’t.  But it will somehow.  Just look.  That’s art.

Music? Some Live Bands.  Otherwise, great music that will be up tempo, down tempo, reggae, more that will just make you feel relaxed and… HAPPY!

So I’m outside having a cigarette and I see this couple, could they be more bewildered, asking, “What is thi…do they serve foo…”

I replied, “It’s a really awesome pub.  Go in.  And they serve foo…”

They turned their heads and marched away before I could show them the menu on the window.

Good thing they walked away.  They should have been turned away.


I mentioned on Twitter that it might, might be time for me to hang up my Blogging Hat.  Or, to say stop my Blogging Hands.  That would be more appropriate.

It’s not an ongoing, forever-we-experience, Blogging Crisis.  It’s not Writer’s Block.  I could think of many things to write about.

Things have changed.  Some that are easy(ier) to explain, some I don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.  Some I don’t even know if I can explain to me!

My Blog has been up for nine years.  I don’t know how long any measurement that means.  In terms of living, averages of any kind, but that’s pretty irrelevant, I think.

I mentioned the word, “living.”

Are Blogs really living entities? I believe the answer is a very firm, no.  We MAKE them living entities.

I made an analogy on Twitter as well, regarding the “feelings” between both my Blog and me, as a person.  I said, “I feel like I have phantom limb pain.”

It’s true.  Something has been severed.  The “living entity” I have created, that which was so connected to me…  It’s not anymore…  But to what degree, and even what part of my body, I do not know…yet.

Despite still writing a bit more, I have been tremendously unhappy with my Blog.  The beginning of things being severed? There were times I couldn’t even look at it.  Now, things seem so, terribly disjointed and I can’t fix them.

I definitely don’t expect you to understand that last sentence!

Does reading my Blog make me cry? *laughing* Of course not! It’s my life!

Thinking about my life might make me cry, but my entire life isn’t on my Blog.

The only times I’ve cried reading my Blog was years ago.  I would receive these Comments from utter strangers.  They would pour their hearts out to me and tell me I literally saved their lives.

I would sit and bawl my eyes out.  Why me? Who am I? I didn’t say anything? It took a LONG time to respond to people like that! But they were few.  I’m not being egotistical.

I write a lot about having no life.  Well, I do.  We all do.  Perhaps not as we’d always like it, but you can’t escape the fact.

How many hours have I Blogged, read other Blogs, spent time on Twitter when that came along later.  How about all day and all night?

At the time it felt just fine.  Really? Not so really. 

That’s not healthy.  I mean, for me it isn’t.  It’s an unhealthy escape.  Too easy to muck about when I need to focus on getting myself at least somewhat together.  Also, that “somewhat” is just a start.

How long has it been since I really got into my own writing? I mean really got into it? I have SO many unfinished projects, I haven’t sent any Submissions to anyone in ages. *sighs*

Am I done? I sure feel done.  This Post has been exhausting to write.  Difficult, too.  Don’t cry, PA!

*teardrops*

But for now, I’m still here.  I haven’t made a final decision. 

Maybe Dr. PA can perform some surgery on both sides; to mend herself and reattach what she brought to life and into this world.


Some people who know me might have seen loads of Tweets from me about Footie (aka Soccer but the WRONG name.)

They might be questioning what is that all about? Well, quite simply, it’s a love of my life since I was a child.  The first sport I ever leaned to play.

And I fought to play it.  I grew up in a small town so trying to get Teams together for anything included the town kids, ones that lived out on farms.

I was the only girl.  Some boys screamed no girls, others didn’t care.  But I wouldn’t leave.  No way.

I’m the kind of person if you tell me I shouldn’t do it; demeaning tells me not to do it? LOOK OUT!!!

If it’s stated because I’m a woman? Oh, you think me sticking with the Football team? That was just me as a child. 

As an adult? You might not want to be in that place someone told me where I shouldn’t be–because I was I was a woman.

Sure, my Blog will still be Psych and Med focussed.  I won’t say it’s a “trap” but it just evolved that way more and more.  Both because of my readership and me as well.

THE BLOGGING CRISIS.

We’ve all been there.  Too the point of even trashing the whole thing completely!

I’m a writer so it’s the typical cursor flashing on the white screen.  You can’t produce.  Or you’re stuck in monotonous babble (or so it feels?)

You just shutdown and leave the online world.  Then you come back.  Then you leave.  Then you…  A total Yo-Yo. 

I don’t know about anyone else but this behaviour leaves me deliriously confused, and extremely guilty.  I feel like I’m letting people down.

A wonderful friend of mine who is also a Blogger always told me to try and mix things up.  Write about different things.

Ugh.  I cannot tell you how distressing that was.  Even though I wanted to do it.

So the Footie example is just one thing I want to try and do on my Blog differently. 

How about not proofing this too? Yep.  No proofing.

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I FINALLY got back to an AA Meeting today.  I think it’s been about six weeks of constant interruptions that were really beyond my control.  I’m serious.  No excuses for any flakes.

Two visits to hospital, twice sick when one required bed rest for two weeks, appt. changed at the last minute.

Boy did it feel good to get back.  Home sweet home.

I’m trying to find a Sponsor right now.  I’m in a pretty vulnerable place.  Well, all Alcoholics will stay in vulnerable places until they die.  That’s how I see it anyway. 

When you’re an addict, it’s not like having a target on your back.  It’s more like having targets all over your entire body.  And it hurts.  It hurts A LOT.

Why am feeling more vulnerable right now? I’ve reached two weeks of sobriety.  The most I’ve ever hit before was about three to four.

Yes, yes! Go PA! You’re already half way there! You can do it! HUZZAH!!!

Well, if anyone is gonna say that to me, thank you.  I’ll take all the support I can get!

However, in real life, it’s a lot different.  Sure, day by day.  That’s applicable to so many other things in life! Not just me trying to stay clean and sober.

I actually haven’t been taking it day by day so much for these past two weeks.  I just wake up and know I’m not going to drink.  It has no appeal.

Well, I need to put some serious, bloody effort into things now! Day by day, hour by hour, second by second.

Because in AA there isn’t any “goal setting.” It’s not some Therapy Group that practises CBT, DBT or anything else of that nature.  There’s no mandatory attendance so you won’t get your wrist slapped if you don’t show up.

However, I feel like I have a “goal” looming over my head like a guillotine.  I HAVE to make that month.  I have to stay sober for the next two weeks.

Then maybe I’ll feel stronger than I was before.  It might raise my confidence.  Yes? Hopefully?

So here we go.  The clock starts now.


I like to do this in front of people who are really drunk.  It has maximum effect that way.

Sure, I walk around with a cane but you know what happens when people get drinking.  Inhibitions break down, sometimes walls break down (even with me but neither here nor there for this Post.)

So I’m out at the pub and I just picked a perfect random perfect moment.  Actually, it has to be “perfect” based upon the people, conversation etc.

I’ll go up to them and say, “I don’t know if I’m that flexible but…”

I’ll whip my right leg with my arms holding it, almost over my head.  I just did it now.

Immediately from one guy I heard, “That’s sexy!”

I mean, this is so crazy! I do some pseudo-gymnastic move, having had alcohol or not and the effect?

The drunk men go totally, sexually nuts! The women are really impressed and can go sexually nuts too.

All because I just lifted my leg a bit higher than most might be able to do? And I don’t even know how I can do it?

Okay.  Right.  Whatever.


Fuck my ankle.  Fuck my sanity. 

When I walked in the door, I almost fell, shaking and crying into a tiny foetal position on the floor–after one person said, “Hello.” 

Fuck my Asperger’s while I’m hand flapping, and head twisting, pulling at my clothes etc. in the meeting. 

I did say I had Asperger’s to everyone.

*pauses for cigarette to continue de-freaking while stomach feels like an Olympic Gymnast*

I was new and wanted to come back.  Also, literally had my last drink(s) yesterday so I received my “24 Hours” Chip.

If you don’t know, they give them out to Members for various lengths of sobriety.  So, hold my lucky chip in my hand and no more booze!

Uh, I think it’ll be a bit harder than that.

I have to somehow relax.  I’m still merrily going through Detox and Withdrawal at the moment as well. 

That’s the tough part.  Or is for me.  Being a Functional Alcoholic.  Well, it’s becoming a lot more tough for me now.  I’ll bet my chip on that.

Valium can be used for Detox and Withdrawal so one of those now! Then something on TV to get me settled and all of this out of my head.  For now.


First, I can make Blog Posts via my Mobile, second, responding to it and Twitter stuff doesn’t work so well and third:

I’m now part of the orgy!!!

I think we all know of the Government’s collusion between Tobacco Companies and so much more. 

Also, I am in no way a conspiracy theorist.  A UFO could land on my head and I’d be quite pleased with that.  Even better if they took me away from this planet.

Way back in uni, of course we were all living in poverty.  Kraft Dinner and shitty Ramen packets that cost $0.25 day after day.  And yet, how did we always have loads of alcohol on hand? To party EVERY NIGHT?

Never mind.

One thing we always had a hard time obtaining were cigarettes.  With all of that partying and drinking going on, they really cramped the bank account.  Or pile of cash if you didn’t have one.

So what really helped us were these little packs of smokes that we actually nicknamed, “Poverty Packs.”. They had 15 cigarettes in them and were dirt cheap compared to a full pack.

Not to mention, Ultra-Cute.

So, out I am and a guy I know buys…A POVERTY PACK! I didn’t even know they existed anymore.  Although a lot different from years gone by.

Over many years, Health Canada got on a real kick about smoking being so bad for you.  They started putting icky pictures of people dying and body parts being destroyed on all packs to try and stop people from smoking.

Then, for some reason they took away all the lists of ingredients on each pack of cigarettes, in measurements per brand.  I don’t know why.  Listing all the crap could also aid in someone quitting? Not.

Maybe a “retaliation” from the Tobacco Companies! Huh?

We can get access to “Native” Cigarettes too.  People can in the U.S. as well.  These are from Native Reserves (aka Indian but not PC to use that term!) However, this is a “Highly Illegal Practice.”

Everyone does it though.  A carton for $30.00? You tell me.

Back to my “Poverty Pack” I just bought.  And joining the orgy.  They are $2.00 more than the cheaper brands here.  I just about died.  And there is NO WAY about them being a novelty feature.

The Government wants everyone to stop smoking? I think not.  And the Tobacco Companies sure as hell don’t.


First, I’d like to say a MASSIVE “THANK YOU!” to all of the new people–and all the others–the “old?.” *laughing*

But thank you so much for all of your new Blog Follows, your Post Likes, and Twitter Follows as well.  I am not boasting or trying to sound vain.  I never do that.  Unless I’m writing so crazily (or not?) about something, it might come across that way.

The point I’m trying to make, is that there have been so many of you.  I can’t keep track! My Inbox can get flooded and I can’t check all of you out! I want to, but on the mental market? I’m not the latest cyborg for sale.  I’m used and a refurb where the Techs didn’t do such a good job.

So I’m sorry for that.  However, I do have everything neatly organized and filed.  I can find all of you, so when I get… *sighs*

My blog sucks, as of late too.  I have a theory about all of you new people; why you’re flying all around my head, then eventually landing straight on it!

NOTE: I am in no way comparing my New Followers like any annoying insects.

My theory is, you are stumbling upon Posts from the past.  You read them, and think, “Hey! This chick’s really groovy ‘n keen ‘n lots of other ‘n stuff.   Or ‘n AWESOME one! This chick’s really out there ‘n I have no clue what sort of person but I’m kind of confused ‘n scared ‘n so curious ‘n at the same time…”

You latter folks are the bravest of all.  It’s like a, dare in your mind to nail me on my Blog, upcoming Posts and new Twitter jazz.

As far as Posts from the past, and how many of you “old guys” are perhaps still around?

I know I put a lot of you through a lot of shit! I know people have given me online defenestrations! I probably deserved it.  Then, there are all of those who have done the same–I just haven’t known about it.  Anonymous Defenestration! 

Me being tardy? My MacBook is totally screwed, so I just tried to replace some things on my Sidebar. Then, for some reason all of my months of blogging became a list!

That proves it.  A little tardy but this blog’s been up for eight years.

Supreme Insanity.

I’ll still keep blogging though.  In doing that?

Beyond Supreme Insanity.