Archive for the ‘WordPress Sucks’ Category

Okay, fuck this bullshit.  Short Post NOW.  I spent two days with a fried Withdrawal brain to write something, maybe not such trash as this? My mobile ate it.  The WP app. online ate it.  Bite me technology.

My Blog triggers me? Being in the Online World triggers me? PA what the gadamman stupid bile is comin’ outta yer mauth and dribblin’ down yer face now!

What a load of shit! That is the craziest thing I’ve EVER said about taking a break from blogging.  This probably IS therapeutic in some way.  I’m not this ball of total madness and sickness, holed up alone merely staring at things in my apartment.  I just can’t do a lot of stuf…zzzzzzzzzz…

Perhaps a case of the DTs? They’re pretty bad this time around. One really significant sign is if your feeling paranoid.  The word “Paranoid” does not appear in my Mental Dossier.  However, how much external stuff was going on? I made the decision.  It was about me.

Can you be paranoid of yourself? About yourself? I’m not excluding DID folks; they apply in the discussion as well.  I’m just thinking of the raw, basics sort of way.

If there’s anyone out there who knows what it’s like for them to feel paranoid or have ongoing repeated episodes of paranoia, I’d like to hear from you.  Of course this is only if you feel comfortable talking about it! Also, if you want to talk but you don’t want to leave a Comment on my Blog in response here, you can definitely feel free to email me.  No secrets leave my lips so you’ll be safe.  I promise.

So CRAZY PA is back! Be forewarned though.  You’re dealing with a very sick PA.  I’m not looking for sympathy.  I’ve been an alcoholic and an addict for 20 years now.  The best thing is I’m finally going to try and get treatment.  I wish I could back in time for so many apologies, broken hearts, broken trusts and destroyed relationships.

Be Forewarned.  Seriously.  I have no idea what is going to happen here, other places where I’m online.  Also, what could not happen. Perhaps the only thing I do know is that I’ll be very slow.  You will be on earth and I will be circling the rings of Saturn.

Speaking of circling those rings,  this Detox and Withdrawal are bringing out my other diagnoses and mental lunacy to epic proportions as well.  My Asperger’s level? I’m just stimming and doing all those WEIRD Aspie things we can do all the time.  My hypervigilance? I have NO clue how high it is because yesterday felt like a Panic Attack that lasted THE.WHOLE.DAY.  

I’m not joking.  It did feel like that!!! o_O  I also don’t get Panic Attacks.  Some kind of DT-ism/Paranoia-ism?

Okay.  Gravol, Valium, Bed.  Try to rest and be calm as Therapy tomorrow.  Not like she’d care if I’m all SPAZZZYYY and I look like a zombie that’s actually living and doesn’t like to eat heads.  She’s my bloody Therapist! I just want to try and rest for me.

And cuddle up with my Bedbugs.  They make me look like I have hives.  Yay for that too.

Alright.  Debatably, straight to the point but I have the “Tangential Gene” (aka ADD.)

I fail to understand why people who seem to Follow me on Twitter actually don’t–when they said they were–in an email.  It can also happen when I go to the standard version of Twitter on my computer.  There, I can see an amalgam of people who were in email notices, or just somehow jumped on me.  Okay.  Fine.

I found that a real PITA at first.  Especially when I hadn’t been online for a long time.  I also carry the “Responsibility Gene” (aka PTSD.)  I feel extremely guilty for making people have to wait.  It’s even worse when it could be something important.  I’ll want to slit my throat if I know it’s important and I get to it for whatever reason.

Are Twitter Follows important? That’s on the little piece of paper from my Fortune Cookie.

From what I’ve written above, it almost sounds like I live and die by them.  But aren’t there others who are (or become) so busy or life-interrupted, or anything-interrupted, they can’t get back to Twitter immediately like me?

Also this is only regarding “me.”  Why people do this on Twitter to “me.”  Although, you might have experienced it too.

First, some Stats:

Of course these numbers will be subject to change after the date of this post.

My Twitter Follows: 1,358.

My My Twitter Followers: 1,106.

My Blog Followers Shown on Front/Index Page: 283,657

I cannot comment on my Blogroll, but there are A LOT of blogs there that need to be removed.  They could be pronounced, “Time of Death Called, (pick any ancient time.)  Cause: Death by No More Writing!”

Here’s another big one! My Stats for Page Views (I won’t dig for times, specific pages.)  This is really hard as I have to make a huge estimate.  I could say literally mid-hundreds to 400.  Realistically? Let’s go with about 100-200.  My Blog has been up 7.5 yrs.

These numbers are important to what I have to say about this subject.  I already know it’s all due to Viral App bullshit, but “why me?” Those numbers are REALLY SMALL as far as so many other people’s Blogs!

Here’s and example:

I get an invite to someone who is a NEW Follower of mine.  I check them out and they have 27.3K people they are Following.  In return, 53.5K other people are Following them.

While checking them out, I see they are not Following me–despite their invite.  Are they looking for some kind of “Reach?”  People, look at all of my numbers above! If “Reach” is what they want, I don’t think they’ll get much here.

I also find it kind of “rude” if the person and I have shared interests.

So what if you’re Following 64.9K people? Is one more really going to make a difference? Especially when YOU contacted me in the first place?

And this is just classic! They send you a DM thanking you for Following them.  Problem! You can’t say “you’re welcome!” They’re not Following You!!!

I will admit I do have some Heavy Hitters Following me on Twitter. A member of the actual Kennedy Family! One member of three Professional Psychiatrists that run a massive blog (and more) for Mental Health.  Oh, she’s gone now! *laughing*  Unfollow, Follow. The same with the others.  They are the “Masterminds” behind “Shrink Rap.”

There are more medical ones for sure.  Oh, boy.  I know there are definitely others related to my other interests.  My primary interest of almost having my brain stuck in a Vat of Neurology and Psychiatry. *laughing*  But for it? Still not that much for “Reach” for a lot of these people.  I still don’t think so.

Personally I don’t say that much on Twitter.  Maybe personal chat, I used to act like a total idiot, so maybe that will start up again. Something might come out of me to generate a Follower? Okay, I’ll admit to a bit of that.  Some Heavy Hitters out of a VERY small Following.

I generally use Twitter as a vehicle for my Blog Posts.  I ALSO have Twitter Followers that subscribe to my Blog in that format.  Posts via Twitter, definitely! A tiny bit of a Stream where something pops up? Referrals? But I’M SO TINY!!!

Now, for all you really popular and “Heavy Hitters?” Please don’t let this Post make ANY OF YOU stop coming to me for a Twitter Follow! PLEASE!!! That is not what this Post is about either! It’s more a question of why? Again, “why me.”  If you liked my content, why not Follow me back?

If you have 1,000,000K Followers, and 2K you’re Following? 200 you are Following? Still come to me on Twitter!!!

Even if you don’t like me so much, or you’re trying to get to other people through me? Hey! That’s just it! I probably answered my own Post (or part of it?)

Now? It doesn’t even matter.  Again, if you’re not really into my content, I still might really like yours.  Then, I’ll Follow you back.

I’d still like you to Follow me though.  It could lead to some really great things.

Quantum Physics will pretty much kick the ball off after you do Follow me.  And hopefully in the right way.  But ya gotta give it a try.

POSTSCRIPT: Now watch me never get any Twitter Followers EVER.AGAIN.

While I was not giving a fuck about my blog (or maybe giving a fuck about it too) who the hell came up with the expression: “A Fool’s Paradise.”

Now, I can be a pretty big fool a lot of the time.  I’ll admit that. However, I’ve never spent any time, in any type of “PaRaDiSe” while being as fooly as possible.

Yeah, yeah.  I get it.  That whole “Ignorance is Bliss” sort of thing, right?


…ingorance…foolishness…my chambers…*sighs*

Being ignorant does not mean you’re a fool.  Ditto, vice-versary, Happy Anniversary!

My title? My problem? I was both.  I’m STILL both!

By not giving a fuck about my blog (ignorance) and giving a fuck and worrying and not checking things, paying attention (foolish) I’m drowning in a tsunami of an Inbox.  A monumental tsunami. That monumental tsunami being more monumental than it always is.

Moreover, my mobile has syncing problems. *shrieks in frustration entire building hears*  Due to that, I can miss a lot of things.  They can come in later–or they bloody damn well should! Things can get even more sneaky! If I’m on baby MacBook with one specific email account, I won’t get notifications for it on my mobile.  Well, I might? I’m not sure.

Samsung? All of your employees can shove every product you have ever made and shove them up your shit covered asses ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!!

My Inbox.  Oh, my god.  Granted, I do find cleaning/clearing out my Inbox a near orgasmic experience, it looks like I’m going to have some multiple orgasms here!

Not that multiple orgasms are bad! Hardly! *smiles and begins to polish Halo*

Just not with my Inbox.

I decided I’d come back.  It was not at all for me and/or any of my reasons, queries, angst about stopping.

I decided to do it because of a Post I read from another blogger.  It was amazing and extremely interesting in its content.

So, here’s to all you bloggers out there! You brought me back to life.

Pour your beverages of choice, “klink” glasses, and give yourselves HUGE pats on the back, hugs, kisses, lots of laughter and fun.

Whatever makes you happy.

Let’s keep stupid, almost 7.5 year old, ridiculous thing going!


I was so ticked off with the WP app from Auttommatticc or whoever they are, I simply went to my blog online and put it on my mobile’s desktop, or screen or whatever.  Then, the idea was to simply link and pounce on it (well one of the types of “pounces” out there.)

And voila!

Which is why I’m now testing it.  To see if I get my “voila.”

My thoughts? First, I have comments! Everything went to hell when I had that tiny power loss, yet the weather was so bad, it knocked out my ISP all night.  So on the agenda.

Also,  if by chance Huffington Post Canada and/or Epilepsy Ontario reads my post and starts checking up on me? Because I said I wrote for Epilepsy Ontario?

That was non-PA.  Yes, the person who actually exists behind such a phantom creature here.  Who even has a real name!

So I must contact EO now.  Also on the agenda.

A minute? More like a month. Or several?

I’m thinking (again) about changing my template. However, since the last time I checked, I believe WordPress has added a million more to choose from?

Still looking for the same format. Double Sidebar right? I mean, I don’t want to reformat the whole thing entirely! Moreover, a lot of Single right and left Bars makes it look my blog just blew up like a landmine.

It’s already enough of a landmine upon first glance. And I don’t mean that stylistically.

I’d also like to set up my Blogroll into sections. I can’t figure out how to do it on mine. What’s the secret widget, keystroke, password, HUH?

So if you have a few free months to go blind and something catches your eye (if you haven’t gone blind yet) I’d love to hear from you.


Posted from WordPress for Android

I just have to get this out as it’s ripping me apart. Let’s see if I can do it before my battery doesn’t crash. Also the WP app not so great on my mobile.

Shut up about that PA. Get to the point!

I met, saw, communicated with Jason when I tried to commit suicide and ended up in the ICU for three days. Wha…? This is on my blog but not this now. Not to mention after Melissa, Amelia and Bruce came on the scene.

I called out to him ever since I came out of my coma. I was told he was all I talked about for days. I have severe retrograde and anterograde amnesia surrounding the entire event from start to finish.

But almost two years later he came. I cried. I sobbed. We talked today as well.

There are some conflicts with him and the others. I have to protect him as the others don’t protect him. Yet they protect me.

Based upon the talk and that he’s finally here, also he could only come to me when I was so close to death, we were the closest lost womb twins.

I’m dying right now.

This is true. You can be a multiple womb twin survivor. The talking with everyone is getting more intense but fuck it.

My Jason is back.

Within about two hours my fever shot up from 100°F to 101°F.  Which is good as it means I’m fighting this bloody thing.  It’s in my chest right now and may be moving toward my throat.  I’ve got my humidifier going and have been wearing my medical procedure masks to get some my own moisture in me. Although, my head is still all spinny since I woke up.  My stomach, too? I’m about to reach for the Gravol despite how much I don’t want to take it.  If I do, who knows how much more spinny things will become then?

I can be stubborn but only about a few things? Maybe? Things that are important and matter very much personally.  Then shit I refuse to put up with (usually dumb things like me now buying a new phone, silly irritants, like that in my immediate environment, not being able to DO things I want to do.)

So, I’m getting a new phone, but I was so STUPID I missed the closest store.  How far along was the next? I knew there was one somewhere along this main artery.  Found it! It was very far away.

I also thought I had “Super Powers” against the rain.  It wouldn’t rain when I was out.  WRONG! I was wearing a white top and a black bra.  I’m sure everyone enjoyed that little peep show.

I make it to the store but I can’t get the phone until Monday.  Fine (something about warranties.)  If I’m still sick in any form, I’ll take transit.  I took a damn cab back as was drenched and freezing.

This always happens to me.  When I push myself too hard, I tend to get sick.  I very much question the capabilities of my immune system.  Is it due to all the sickness currently, or…well, always sick as a kid.

Because you see, it wasn’t just the soaker and the long walk.  I felt fine (excusing the fact I could turn into an ice cube within seconds.)  My mobility was amazing and I loved getting the exercise! However, that is not the only thing I have done over the last couple of days–due to my being stubborn.  This was regarding my home environment.

Something in my head blew a neuronal gasket (or several) and I could no longer stand certain things I have been dying to do since a whole whack of my “stuff” went into storage.  Locked and loaded!

My bed is sacred.  If you were Catholic, you would be on your knees constantly praying on any side, the bottom, hell, anywhere near it! I needed new pillows and I had come across six that I barely kneeled in front of when I found them! Time to clean off the bed/office/closet/pharmacy and do all my linens.  I did have others to put on, nonetheless.  Just removing everything off it took about a have hour? Finally, done! Ohhhhh….sooooo gooood…

Ugh.  More laundry.  Fuck it.  I’m tired.

Next day, whoa boy.  The kitchen (and the laundry simultaneously.)  Drag this here, that there.  Try and clean dust, vacuum.  Then, an old shoe shelf.  Goddamn particle board! Will it hold together with the weight of my shoes? Wow.  PA semi-smart.

And this.  Oh, what I NEED and WANT! Waiting forever! A small, two-person, dinette.  Get that bloody table up and at least one chair! I HAVE A TABLE AND CHAIR! I can actually eat somewhere other than my bed, plus work on baby BacBook!

So, why am I so stubborn today? Comments and Twitter people!!! *evil frown*  How long has this been going on! Seriously! Since my “might-as-well-flush-it-down-the-toilet-phone” isn’t even working, I didn’t even see I had new email here!

Maybe after some more tea.  And a bit more rest.  Let’s see how high my temperature goes, too.  And how much my brain may sink into oblivion.  I’d scream in frustration so loud right now, that the entire building would hear me.  If I had the energy.

I tried to warn them. I did. *twitch twitch* “You have to get me out your waiting area right now.”

“We don’t have any place for you to–…” WHAM!!! Wee PA dropped like a (shaking) tonne of bricks. A wonderful motor seizure right in front of the Nursing Station. They ran to get a stretcher.

However, Todd’s paresis came along for the ride and I couldn’t get up. On nurse behind me for my upper body, another two for each leg and LIFT!

I even got the post-ictal sleepies. Very rare for me. So much, I slept two hours in ER chaos. Maybe add in exhaustion too?

Everyone was nice though. Didn’t even have blink my way out of a psych admission.

I told the doc what was going on and he agreed that’s enough to make you do this. Aces for him not being a total arsewipe

Ok. Going to try sleep now. Already sore left side of body from the hospital floor. Worsen tomorrow, no doubt.

Tell you about crap. I should. Maybe I should get to blogging.

Posted from WordPress for Android

And so.

We all “lose it” but how do we find it or recover it? Maybe you do; maybe you don’t. Maybe you get it back for a bit, or maybe you never do.

Excuse me while I change this song. It’s interfering with me trying to recover any semblance of that thing called a mind. Mine.

I’d really like to tell you all what’s going on. Sorry. I need a smoke now. I’ll be back. But deep parts of me wish I wouldn’t.

Okay, back now. Another seizure today. It’s been almost one year to the day I lost the most important med in my epilepsy arsenal. But you guys know all about that.

Why Sherlock’s sleeping (or even dead) is because the epilepsy is simply surface stuff. There is more boiling inside me.

And I can’t say it here. Support elsewhere? I can try, but limited supply. Thus, losing a mind.