Why Am I So Tired, Why Do I Feel Like Shit (Sort Of Moody) And Why Can’t I Think?
I was going to blog about something else today and it would have been relatively easy, but because of the above…I’m not going to do it. This is going to be more of a “tell all.” Maybe you will be proud of me? I am trying to be proud of myself. If perhaps the latter reason is…well, the reason?
I’m looking at the calendar. My period got kind of fucked up last month so could it be that? My appetite is kind of screwed up (i.e. I’m craving things so…?) That could also explain the lack of energy (but I am really tired.) I mean, really, fucking tired.
The thinking? My hormones don’t make me stupid. However, they screwed up at Merlin #2’s office last time and shortchanged me on my last Biphentin script, so I need to ration it out until I see him late next week.
Confession.
Reason number two is I’m using this week to try and kick the booze. Or at least stop going basically every goddamned night to the pub which I was still doing. I hadn’t blogged about my drinking habits as everyone kept giving me hell about it. I got tired of everyone bitching me out. I felt bad enough as it was.
So take a week off, lock myself up, and only go out unless I have to. If I do go out, only do it for very essential reasons. Or a distraction like a movie. Although I’ve been watching some at home and, again, been so exhausted that later on at night I’ve been passing out before they’ve been finished. It makes me think I don’t need my Seroquel/Quetiapine, but I’d probably have mid-sleep awakenings, early morning awakenings, and because I am so wiped I do want, and need my sleep.
And speaking of movies, I feel like Ewan McGregor’s character in Trainspotting where he boards up the door while trying to quit heroin with all of his “supplies,” and then promptly proceeds to tear it all down!
No, I’m kidding. I’m fine. No need to haul me off to hospital or call my doctor. If these are really “detox” symptoms they are mild. I’m not going to seize (I have enough meds in me to prevent that anyway!) I’m not hallucinating…none of that business. I just feel way more out of it than I should be? I don’t know.
It’s been a little under 48 hours since I’ve last imbibed. I had made the decision so it was like…okay, it’s vacation time…bye bye! These are peak times for this kind of stuff to hit.
I remember in the summer when I put my “Sobriety Meter” on my blog, and it kept going up and down like a yo-yo. Now that was embarrassing… I’ve been drinking like a fish since I’ve gotten out of hospital (last April) so that’s been almost a year now? That’s pretty embarrassing too.
People always say when trying to quit…oh, I’ll only drink socially, blah, blah, blah… I’ve been able to do that. I’ve also quit smoking for periods. Then started. Then quit again. Then started again… At least I’m making a concerted effort. It’s more than I’ve done since everything bloody went to hell in a handbasket, and I started all of the self medication crap (again) after hospital…by again I mean I have a history of it when going, and being, and becoming mental. PA gets triggered, and she reaches for the bottle. Others may reach for something else. Pick your drug of choice.
So who knows? We’ll see. In a few days I’m sure I’ll be right as rain. Regardless of whatever it is that may be causing this so screwed upped-ness.
The Backing and Forthing
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Psych Central 2009 Top 10 Bipolar Blogs
Currently Reading (Bless My Stims!)
Too many things at once. My ADD is running full throttle.
However...
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I'm really a girl though.
Here are some more given to me where I had a complete memory lapse. I think I got the hovers correct like the above!
Dr. PA Available For Consultations: General Medicine Plus Specialty in Neurology From Harvard
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Hi. I'm Aspie Penguin. I do my hardest to take care of PA. She doesn't always do so well on her own.
You can reach me at her email above, or I have my own: aspiepenguin (at) gmail (dot) com
Patient Anonymous: Just Another Head Case 
February 17, 2008 at 16:16
Hope you’re feeling better PA. Is the tiredness definitely not hormonal? I sometimes feel exhausted around woman’s week.
Good luck with cutting down on the booze. Fish x
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February 17, 2008 at 18:46
Changing habits like drinking can be pretty exhausting, especially if it’s something you’ve relied on for a while. Cutting down is definitely a good thing though. Good luck with it from me, too.
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February 18, 2008 at 13:11
Hi fishwithoutbicycle, thanks. Yes, the feeling of being tired can be hormonal for sure. Although, if anything, it’s PMS time so… Feck, it. Everyone’s different.
However, if it’s PMS things are still backing up a bit, and my cycle which is normally like clockwork–well, either you’ve forgotten to wind your watch or your battery is going. Okay, not your watch…mine. If I’m getting my period, then things are completely fucked. I might need to see my GP about that. I like to have things “run on time.”
How ridiculous. Who cares if it’s a health issue, right? I just want to know when I’m getting my period! And it’s not like I’m sleeping with men so I need to worry about getting pregnant! I’d take the pill anyway! No, I should talk to her if things get weird as it definitely would be something that has never happened before. But hormones are weird and bodies are weird so I’d probably just have to live with it.
Maybe I’m becoming Perimenopausal! Or “Peri-perimenopausal!” *laughing*
I’m still a bit young, but not completely off the radar. Oh, that would be great! Not wanting children, I don’t want a period! I never have on both accounts!
I’m quite sure I could handle anything Menopause would throw at me. Mood swings (hello…Bipolar!) Night sweats (hello…I’ve had that with some med side effects!) Hot/cold flashes? Well I’m frozen all the time now; some heat would be greatly appreciated! Otherwise, I guess it would just feel like I had a fever all the time? Oestrogen? Well, I’d rather not lose my sex drive. That would suck.
I’m sure I’m nowhere close to Menopause, though. Ah, PA’s tough; she could handle it.
Hi chimpy, yes there are a a whole “myriad” of “mild” symptoms and I’m not getting every one, of course. I’m also not saying that is the cause… You know me though. Always digging like a mad scientist. It’s a good thing I’m not a hypochondriac.
I do sometimes worry about some of the things I blog about of a scientific nature, and hope that other people out there won’t be affected. Still, these are things that people can just Google for themselves–if they know or knew about them? And I really only (try) to apply them to me.
*PA thinks*
No, that isn’t always true. She blogs about general psych stuff, and meds, and all of that… However, how much of it is “general,” and how much of it is about herself? And regardless of the matter anyway, are people still deriving the information and applying it to themselves? I have given some caveats before.
Now I’m getting back to that Grand Discussion from Gabriel…‘s post. Maybe it’s a neverending question? Maybe I’ve just given myself a good idea for a post?
Okay. Whoo! I am waaaay off topic. However, speaking of off topic:
“Mine eyes have seen the GLORY of my stimulants indeed…!”
I found some of my Concerta/Methylphenidate that was given to me before we switched over to the Biphentin. “GLORY BE, INDEED!” The Concerta is 4mg lower than the Biphentin but my brain won’t notice the difference over such a brief time span until I get to see him. It might be just enough to carry me over–minus a day or two.
Wow. Now I really sound like an addict. Really though, people… Being off them for a couple of days might have contributed to my head feeling like it was full of cotton batten. It’s proof positive that my stims really help.
Oh. And if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about re: the names everyone, it’s not like I’m playing “juniour chemist” with my brain. Both drugs are the same, and stims are the only psych drugs that you can safely take a “drug holiday” with. However, usually you only do it when you start to feel yourself scooting down the “Manic Motorway.” Speak to your M.D. first about it, however.
See? There, caveat.
I was just thinking last night chimpy that if it’s the alcohol business, my D2 receptors (or others) are getting all wingy, saying, “More, more!” and dropping my stim would possibly have been like giving them a bigger kick while they’re down. I was also thinking that the intense food cravings–I mean anything pleasurable, lots of it, and more than “normal”–might also be a way of feeding the receptors. They’re screaming out, “Make me happy! Make me happy!”
Okay, nice long comment, then? Perhaps my dose of Biphentin is kicking in.
Oh, and I dragged myself out to see a movie last night. Only problem was, my steps are really icy and I slipped and banged my shin. Great! One more bruise! I swear…you could play connect the dots, or find some awesome constellations on my body…
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February 22, 2008 at 05:48
Yeah drinkings a real bad thing when ya have these kinda disorders. Which is why my husband poured my hard liquor out when I was in hospital. I was so annoyed and pissed off. Read my blog you may find a few similarities.
Peace,
NW
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February 22, 2008 at 12:35
Hi nightworrier, I know. It is so hard. There is such a high per centage of us mental cases that are drawn to it (or any other form of drug out there.) For so many reasons too.
That’s interesting that your husband did that. I wonder how many other partners of us out there have done, or would do such a thing? I know my ex-partner (even though she and I were not married) was not always happy with me when I drank. She was not a drinker. Maybe one if out for dinner but that was a rare occurrence. Not dinner–her drinking.
She said I “changed” when I drank. I didn’t think I did. I don’t become violent or anything, or cause fights. However, she didn’t like that I might become a bit stumbly or slur my words or something if I had a bit too much. Normally(?) I just become more hyper, chatty and…well, impulsive to be sure.
Initially though, she didn’t care at all if I drank! And it wasn’t like I was getting sloshed all the time when we were together! It was, just when it was on offer sometimes. We had some friends of hers that liked to drink a lot so when we got together, of course I would join them! I mean, come on! With it right there?!
Ex-partner and I never fought. We had “discussions” about it but eventually she said she wouldn’t be the “Alcohol Police” and it was up to me. Sure.
Well, no matter. All you can do is try, right? I don’t think I can go for abstinence. Statistics (some?) have shown that even people that go for hardcore AA, and major detox, sort of last resort treatment things still don’t “stay clean” after certain periods.
I’m sorry I still haven’t been by your place. I’ve been neglecting everyone with Blog365, life…blah… I’ll come by right now!
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March 3, 2008 at 14:53
sounds all to familiar here. i am always exausted and have had an ongoing problem with depression also since i was 14 and now im 34. so i have been this way for awhile and i have learned to listen to my body, but the only problem with that is i can’t keep a job if im listening to what my body wants. if i stick to my job im always exausted. i am also a drinker. sometimes i take a break from it but then when i do i have other problems like constant worrying and rage. whatever is wrong with me all i know is i can’t keep a job to save my life and i have three children that depend on me. i am here for them physically and emotionally they keep me going, but financially i can’t cut it. i am on welfare and have been for years and i have also had several jobs and my record time staying somewhere was 8 months just because they don’t fire you if you miss days. but then i had to end up leaving anyways cause of a car accident and when i tried to go back four months later they keep giving me the run around and shut me out. i feel hopeless and im terrified we may be homeless sooner or later since welfare does not pay all my rent only some. i have been looking around for anything and anyone to hire me, but as usual my mental health is ignored and to me that is the main reason i have a problem functioning “normal” like on a daily basis. i am unstable and i did go to my Dr. about these things i won’t take psyc meds anymore because they make everything worse. i was taking xanex for awhile for my panic attacks. that did help my state of mind. it calms you down. which i can’t afford those anymore beer is cheaper and calms me down also. i am in desperate need of help mentally and financially. any helpful serious suggestions would be appreciated. thanks.
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March 3, 2008 at 17:16
Hi frostedflake, welcome as I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.
Thank you very much for sharing your story and all of that information. That means a lot and takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time and facing a lot of challenges–and have been for a while now? I am happy to hear that your children are a solid support for you. Hang on to that!
Dealing with our illnesses is a constant challenge. It certainly sounds like yours has a direct impact upon your physical wellbeing also. That’s really hard–granted with some really debilitating depressions no one can move across the damn room or even get out of bed.
Self medication is always a really tough one to tackle. I won’t deny that it still is for me. It always will be! And not that this is any “excuse” for my behaviour but there is alcoholism throughout my mother’s side of the family. Unproven as of yet but a genetic factor?
Regardless, we crazies all know it’s bad but we keep doing it anyway. There are lots of reasons why, it just depends.
I think it is good that you try to stop, take breaks. I think that is good and healthy–for both your brain and your body. However, you say that when you don’t drink, the mental illness symptoms return. So the self medication cycle starts all over. Hello, vicious cycle. I can understand how easy it is and how frightening at the same time.
Now, this may sound hypocritical (because I’m an arse who still drinks!) and I would never judge anyone because a lot of us are in this boat together. But I do not think you will get any better by continuing to self medicate with alcohol. In fact, I think you will only get worse.
The alcohol temporarily alleviates the symptoms but it is a depressant (in the long run.) Initially it is a stimulant and that is why it makes you feel better. But after a period of drinking regularly (and it’s different for all of us) it takes its mental toll. I mean, I was starting to realize it and that’s when I decided to try and kick it while on vacation.
I’m not sure if there is anything else going on with you physically but long term drinking can also exhaust you in that way as well. As I said above, it takes its toll on you mentally but it takes its toll on your body too! Between the two, I am not sure if that may be also interfering with your ability to obtain and sustain employment. It’s really hard, though, because it feels like everything is all tied up in this intricate knot and you don’t know how to untangle it, right?
I don’t know where exactly you live so I don’t know what sort of social services are available to you. You say that you are on welfare. Yes, I think we all know how far that stretches–not very far, indeed.
With your form or welfare/social assistance or services, is there any sort of drug program that can help you obtain medication? If not via that route…well, if you are in the U.S., I think things get a bit wonky as you need insurance. However, in Canada, there are some government subsidized plans that may be available via each province, I believe. Still, you see where I’m going here: meds.
You mentioned taking Xanax to assist with panic attacks and true, it is one (of several) benzodiazepines that may assist. You said that you won’t take psych meds anymore as they make everything worse. Have you been on others?
If you suffer from Depression, a benzo like Xanax will be like popping candy for that. They’re used for anxiety, sleep…that sort of thing. If you did take anything for Depression and it made you feel bad because of side effects, there are many other meds out there. You just have to keep trying to find what will work for you.
Also, if you are experiencing feelings of rage, that may need to be reviewed and looked at closely. Of course, I am not a M.D. but all symptoms must be factored into a diagnosis. For example, if you are experiencing different types of mood changes, it could be possible that you have Bipolar Disorder.
Now again–I can not emphasize this enough! I am not a M.D. I am merely using this as an illustration. Someone like me who has Bipolar can not take Antidepressants. They really make me worse.
So, to wrap up. If these are helpful, I would say go back to your doctor for some serious medical help and a proper evaluation. If your doctor is a GP or a Family Practitioner who does not specialize in mental health, get referred to a Psychiatrist. In fact, realistically all of us nutcases should probably be seeing Psychiatrists anyway. They are specialists after all.
Once evaluated, get on the right medication. I know you say that you really don’t want to take it but perhaps you can rethink that. I know without my meds I would not be able to function at all. In fact, I might have been dead long ago.
Another suggestion about meds if you can’t afford them? Perhaps you might be able to get by on samples until you get on your feet (again, if you can’t find any kind of drug plan as suggested above.)
Work really hard to stop drinking. I know it’s tough. This may sound like shit advice and just an invitation for people to slip back into self medication mode but maybe it’s better than nothing: if you can’t go for abstinence, then work really hard to keep it moderate. Ideally, abstinence is the way to go, however.
So, what do you think?
PA
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September 11, 2008 at 12:36
I was plagued by fatigue that ruled my life. It dictated my schedule, my social life, and even my attitude and outlook on life. For years I suffered, downing coffee, exercising, sleeping 12 hours a night whenever I could, doing all the things I heard about to give me more energy and yet none of it seemed to work. That’s when I very randomly met Rose at an audition. Rose told me that she was a holistic nutritionist. I did her 10 week transformation and am so ecstatic about my results!!!! I can actually function on 6 hours of sleep and I feel alive and invigorated by life! I can’t believe how much we all don’t know about our own bodies. You should check it out: http://www.wellnesswithrose.com
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September 11, 2008 at 22:27
Hi susanmarks, welcome to my blog. Thanks for the link. And I had to go back and read this one from start to finish as it’s one of my older posts!
I have thought of the combination of Allopathic and Naturopathic medicine before in order to sort out all of my “ills.” Well, at least the more “general” sorts. My head maladies–except for perhaps my migraines(?)–I doubt any Naturopath may be able to assist me with. I could be taking a short sighted view here but I have yet to hear that someone’s Bipolar, AD(H)D or Seizures have improved by seeing one.
Actually, I have a friend who, although is not seeing a Naturopath, is taking SAM-e and he says he’s “doing mostly okay.”
I do worry about people running off to health food stores and just buying any supplement, as you don’t know where things are coming from, what they really are and nothing is regulated. Someone was pushing me to try something once and I researched it and found that it was contraindicated in people with Bipolar!
Case in point!
But I digress. My ex-partner was seeing one who was, or seemed, decent. And it is reassuring to know that whomever you are seeing has studied at a reputable institution, relies upon conventional scientific methods etc… That would be to say: Make sure they’re not a bloody quack!
So, indeed. It is certainly not without the realm of possibility for me. I would not deal with this woman, however. She does not live near me? Well, she doesn’t appear to…all of the “Success Stories” are people in the U.S.! No, I would need to deal with someone personally with all of the crap I’ve got going on!
I would probably go and see the person my ex-partner worked with. Not to mention, these treatments are very expensive! I’d need to get another job first too!
Thanks and take care,
PA
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January 25, 2009 at 16:36
i am in the same boat.
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January 26, 2009 at 15:00
Hi deanna, welcome to my blog as I don’t believe I have seen you here before. I had to go back and read through this post and all of the comments as I had written it almost a year ago! Not to worry, though. I actually enjoy doing that as it takes me “back in time.” I get to see what on earth was going on in my life at those points!
Ironically, I’m still in this place–yes, almost a year later…
So do you mean you are in the same boat re: the alcohol? If so, I can certainly understand. I mean, wowee! I just wrote a post about drinking not long ago. Still drinking and doing arsey things–and a bad one to a friend of mine. Pissed her off quite nicely and I feel like a complete fuck up.
I’m going to (yet again…) work on this lovely demon of mine.
Again, if I am right in presuming that you share this problem as well, hopefully you can work on it too.
Take care,
PA
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April 26, 2009 at 17:34
Have been there and after years can now see the light. Did endless research on what could help with the lack of energy and head fog. Take Bio-Kult (14 strain Probiotic), Allicin Max (Garlic-Allicin), Fishoil and Wheatgrass. The first to i mention have been amazing. They have pretty much healed my body and mind and i feel like me again. Just wanted to help …………….. ! tattoome
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April 26, 2009 at 17:38
Hi Tattoome, welcome to my blog and thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you are feeling a lot better.
Thanks for the suggestions. I can come back here if I need to take a look.
Take care,
PA
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June 8, 2009 at 05:56
i drink every night, say about 6-7 beers, just so i can go to sleep at night.The next morning i feel like shit, then come lunch time or mid arvo i feel alrite. I do suffer badley from panic attacks , when i have an attack i think im dying, also i get this feeling of like nufns real, even the people i talk to dont feel real, some days im really shitty and i dont know why? my work performance gets affected, and so does other things in my life do , i have know motivation to do anything, i hate going out anywhere!!!. i wana feel like i used to, which is happy , i never used to drink, or smoke(cigarettes) i used to go to the gym everyday, i want these horrible feelings to stop!!!. Does any one have some advice for me. thanx mark.
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June 8, 2009 at 18:45
Hi mark_79. Welcome to my blog as I don’t think I have seen you here before.
Although the joke around here is that I am Dr. PA, I’m actually not a qualified physician. Which brings me to you. I think you should speak to one if you haven’t already.
If all of these things that you are experiencing are new (just like you said you never used to drink etc…) you may be experiencing some problems with you moods and then using alcohol to self-medicate. Trust me, I’m a real professional there–much to my sorrow and detriment.
So, I would start with definitely going to see a doctor and stating just what you’ve said here.
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April 7, 2010 at 17:58
Wow, that was revealing PatientAnomonous. I feel the same fucking way most of the time. I blame the media, the race mixing, the bio-engineered food, the weather, Satan, and of course his legions of servants who for the most part are my neighbors, my co-workers, and the people in front of me on the freeways. Life sure is suckie, I do not understand why we are even here. What is this suppose to prove? Am I suppose to be enjoying this? I think this is more like hell, and hopefully soon I wake up and things are back to an enjoyable condition. This life is cruel. If I was given a choice I would not exist and preferably would have never existed so I wouldn’t have a chance of remembering any of this.
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April 8, 2010 at 12:46
Hi Surfdeb. Nice to meet you and welcome to my blog. Thank you for saying my post was revealing. I am very honest on my blog. I do tend to definitely write how I feel in some cases, perhaps a lot of them?
Your comment is quite honest, as well. Quite emotionally-laden, too. I agree, life is very difficult. I have sometimes even thought of not being born. It is sort of like, ‘I didn’t ask to be born! Why was I cast into this life?’ Then I realize it is a moot point. I’m here so I just have to deal with the cards dealt–no matter how painful that may be.
Thanks for coming by,
PA
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April 23, 2010 at 22:07
Thanks for the laugh! Seriously…I agree with many things I have read. 46 and Exhausted…what the heck? Can you imagine me at 70 I will be like a sloth bear. I know why I am exhausted, but what is a women to do? I have a career that literally sucks the life out of me….where “hot” is used minute by minute and has worn out its welcome. Then after 10 – 12 hours of that fun I have a hour drive home is rush hour traffic down a highway that is like the motorcross track with pits and valleys all over the fricken road. When I actually get my tired self in the door and guess what is next…a pissed off teenager ready to pounce…2 hours later after slamming doors and a completely bewildered look in my eyes I head to the deck where I have taken up smoking to help myself not lose my mind…and we all know that is so good for us…so this is just great. 3 kids later, living the life of a single mom with no help…every bit of fun has been literally sucked out of me…..I feel completely sad inside. I remember the days where I actually laughed…when exactly was that? Then I ask the internet, why am I so exhausted? I take a test…and guess what I might have the start of a horomone imbalance…this is caused by age and post premenstral setting in. Well isnt’ that just great…as if I don’t have enough on my plate…
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April 23, 2010 at 22:15
This is for Mark_79…I used to get those panic attacks when I first got divorced and became a single parent. The responsibiltiy on my shoulders freaked me out…here is what I did to make them stop. I would sit in a quiet place. Close your eyes…Slowly breath in counting to 10, breath out slowly counting to 10. Do this for a few minutes…all the while thinking of an image that brings you peace….Remember take one day at a time. Don’t concentrate on anything but what you have to do today. Good luck!~
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April 24, 2010 at 11:51
Hi 46Exhausted. Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my blog. I’m always happy to dole out as many laughs as I can around here! I’m glad I could give you some.
Wow, sounds you definitely have a lot going on. Rightly so, exhaustion for you! And now good ol’ Mother Nature may be stepping in to add more to the mix? Ah, life!
I’m sorry to hear that you feel so sad and that everything gets sucked right out of you. It’s feels so awful when we get to that place. Then, how do you get out of it? I mean, I’ve danced with Bipolar for half of my life now. I’m in a hole at the moment and I know I’ll get out of it. It’s not like I’ve never been here before! But the waiting…
I don’t know if you have any diagnoses, but if so, you can probably relate? Also, maybe any issues with the menopause will be relatively insignificant. I hope so!
Take care,
PA
Hi Mark_79. I’m a bit confused as you’re coming up as 46Exhausted. You didn’t before. So, either you guys know each other or WP is really doing something strange! *laughing*
Anyway, thanks for coming back. I really like it when people do that. It’s almost like a “follow up” and I can hear how they’re doing. Speaking of…it sounds like you’re doing a lot better. That’s great!
I hear what you’re saying. I do try that a lot. I’ve worked on meditation practices for many years, as well. Sometimes it’s hard to keep your mind from wandering off but that’s just part of the process. You’re not supposed to “force” yourself to meditate!
Thanks again and you take care too,
PA
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December 31, 2010 at 14:32
i can not forget my past abuse
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December 31, 2010 at 15:08
Hi sandy. I’m so, so sorry to hear that. I know from having PTSD it can be so “difficult.” That word doesn’t even come close to describing it all.
I am the opposite. I remember essentially nothing. It’s all a huge blank, even up to large portions of my adolescence and some of my earlier adult years. I had my worst flashback to date about something that occurred in my mid-20s. I didn’t remember anything at all!
All of us with mental health issues can say the whole: “…walk a mile in my shoes…” sort of thing. I thoroughly believe that, having multiple diagnoses. I do often wonder about those of us who have gone through such severe trauma that has affected us to such a degree.
It’s not that we’re “special” and warrant more or better care. I don’t know. I’ve just seen/read/talked to people that have gone through such unbelievable things. In fact, they are that unbelievable that people who don’t know or haven’t experienced it would never be able to grasp it.
I guess that’s my point about the “…walk a mile…” It is not a symptom or a sign of an illness or a disorder. It is an all pervasive entity that is life changing. So often, it is completely inexplicable to others, even those who went through it!
It can take years of therapy just to get someone to talk about it and realize it. Also, it takes a VERY special type of therapy.
Alright, I’ll stop going on about all of this!
Take care,
PA
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February 24, 2011 at 07:50
I stumbled apon here,and i like the way you blog,
I really see similar symptons i have, difference is I went down the vicious circle and can not come out, Its selfdestructive behaviour like smoking only mental and worse. Wish i could quit. or start again lol
anyway.. take care :)
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February 24, 2011 at 16:23
Hi Levy. Nice to meet you and welcome. Thank you so much for your compliment about my blog and how I write it. So often I think it’s crap!
Oh, I think I can understand what you are saying. The symptoms we all can have are never the same all the time. At least they aren’t for me.
You take care too, and feel free to come back anytime.
PA
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October 28, 2011 at 00:37
I feel the same way! Last year was my first year at college, and naturally I began to drink more. And lets not forget drinking every other weekend in my last year of highschool. Now that I’m busier, and have less time for social events which involve drinking, I’ve realized how damaging it is to my body when i DO drink too much. I’m worried how my body and mind are so easily effected by substances.
Sometimes I wake up and I don’t want to leave my bed. The other day I cried and felt no reason or motivation to get on and be productive with my day, a few hours later I went to work and was on an emotional happy high. Mood swings are scary, and it’s the worst when you know you’re in a low/high place and it’s not normal but it’s just how your body/mind is reacting, you know?
I read your blog and the comments and its comforting to know there are others out there who feel similar to me. During the next extreme moodswings I will try and remember that I am not the only person who feels like this.
Best of luck:)
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December 4, 2011 at 18:11
Hi RM2323. Welcome to my blog. Nice to meet you and I’m so, very sorry for not getting back to you sooner. If you have come back, you’ll probably know why I’ve had some issues with my comments here.
Thanks for bringing me back to quite an old post, too. I find it interesting to go back in time and see where I was, compared to where I am now.
I agree with you that it is key to become aware of whatever substances might do to you/us with whatever mental illnesses/disorders we have (not to mention what meds we may be on.) Regardless, so many of us don’t care, and continue on drinking, doing drugs, whatever. I’ll leave the medical marijuana issue out of this, though. An entirely other issue of definite debate!
Even more difficult it is for the folks with mental illnesses/disorders that are addicts. I’ll freely admit I’m an alcoholic. Why the hell not! I’m a stigma buster about everything else “wrong” with me, so bring that out of the closet, too. Shame and guilt abound, but it’s not difficult to figure out when you look at my self medication history! I also include my genetics with so much else “wrong” with me, as well.
Even worse, I don’t get hangovers. That’s a gift from the gods to an alcoholic! *laughs*
I’m really glad that you’ve read some things here and you don’t feel so alone. That’s just one of the things I would like this blog to accomplish. PAs Pad is about inclusiveness, being open and feeling safe. Plus having lots of fun, too!
Take care,
PA
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