The Afternoon After

August 7, 2009 in ADD, Asperger's, Bipolar Disorder, BPD, Cutting, Facts About Patient Anonymous, Health, Patient Advocacy, PTSD and Dissociative Disorders, Seizures, Self Medication, Therapy

I’d say “The Morning After” as in the typified, hangover idiom but no, my “Cutting Hangovers” are always in the afternoon.  There are several reasons for this.

95% of my cuttings are done at god knows what hour of the early mornings so, well…I guess you could literally say there is no “Morning After.”  It’s “Morning During.”  Even still, if I were to cut at the strike of midnight and then jump right into bed immediately, I just wouldn’t wake up before noon.

Well, I might? I probably would, actually.  I just wouldn’t get out of bed.  I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.  Oh, no…I’d be weighted deep down in thick, dark, gooey layers of Depression.  Forget it.

Various shades of afternoon would eventually follow, maybe a phone would ring or something but that would definitely be ignored.  However, unortunately I would have to get up at some point.

You know, no matter how hard I keep trying, I am not completely a corpse yet.  My marks at “The Human Corpse Collegiate” aren’t exactly as good as they should be, thus negating me the luxury of being almost a perpetually, sleeping, human being.  Some students do it and still attend classes!

Boy, will I miss them after graduation! So will their parents.

So, yes.  These are my hardest times after my cuttings.  “The Afternoon Afters.”  When you wake up with…well, perhaps more of a clear head? That could be a really big “perhaps,” though.  You could still be dissociating a bit (if you were before.)  Yes, the depression.  The guilt and as I specifically mentioned shame in my previous post.

You may still feel like your whole world is crashing down all around you.  You may feel ghosts (or former graduates from the Collegiate?) are coming back to haunt you and you wish they’d leave you alone–or at least sit down for tea, goddamn it and fucking talk to you for a change!

I could probably ramble on here and say more things and you could probably add more yourselves? And this isn’t exclusive to Cutting either.  It could be for any kind of Self Harm.  Hell, you may even be able to take it so far that it could apply to any problem that occurs with whatever form of mentalness you have when a supreme flip out happens.

Even though Dr. PA is terrible at following her how advice, definitely for “The Morning After,” “The Afternoon After,” just “The Entire Day After,” lots of rest!

If you still just want to sleep, that’s okay.  If you are awake, do something or do nothing.  Cry and sob or just sit there like a vegetable.  Eat if you can.  If not, drink water or anything else (non-alcoholic is generally preferable…)

If one day of this isn’t enough, it’s alright.  You’ve been through some heavy shit.  Dr. PA knows.  Just take your time and keep resting.  You’ll be back on your feet in no time.

NOTE: If any of this is kind of off in grammar, punctuation etc…  Well, it’s my “Afternoon After” and I’m kind of off in some part of Dissociation Land.  I think.